TWs: talks about suicide, talks about self harm, depression, and self hate. Do not read if you are uncomfortable
about this stuff, and please be mindful going forward
George was sick. His mind was so clouded with intrusive thoughts that it left no room for any cooperative ones. His body was exhausted from his breathing. He wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep, but even with how tired he was, closing his eyes felt like a chore. Every toss and turn was interrupted by a cramp and a groan, his curtains covering the majority of his windows leaving the late evening light away from him. He hadn't gone outside in days, hadn't left his bed either. His eyes hurt from the sleepless nights, his head aching daily. As he checked his phone through his messages, he secretly wished someone would text him randomly, just to ask if he was okay, since no one ever did.
He felt empty as he refreshed his Home Screen, 'no new messages'. He groaned, tossing over to the other side again. Just the effort of leaning over the bed to get his charger felt like a workout. His depressive and exhausted episodes had drowned every time they came, this time, it didn't seem to go away. He felt unmotivated, tired having not done anything, angry but having no reason to be. He felt lazy and unproductive. Why was he even still alive? Why was god keeping him alive? He had no other purpose than using up the air around him that someone else could use.
He tossed over in his bed again, bad dreams haunting his sleep making him almost afraid to do so. Insomnia crawling over every inch of his bones, making him snap awake with a jump every time he almost fell asleep. He turned on his phone again, refreshing it again to see the same damn message. 'No new messages'. Why was he always the one giving? Sapnap would call him on bad days and vent to him, George being supportive and listening to everything he was saying. Karl would text him and they'd have a long conversation whenever the younger was feeling sad. Why couldn't they do the same for him?
He was giving his whole soul to comfort them, and they never checked in when he was feeling sad. George turned off his phone, the bright screen only making his eyes hurt more. His room was a mess. Dirty laundry and take out trash littered all over the floor. He was too tired and in too much pain to even walk out his room and start new laundry. Eventually, eating became an exercise too. His skin was pale from not going outside, and his hair was a mess from not being washed or taken care of. He felt like shit to say the least.
George wanted someone to just burst through his bedroom door and become his savior, pick him up from this ditch he's fallen into. But as he stared at the dark wood of his door, he knew that was never going to happen no matter how much he wished it so. He turned on his phone and refreshed the messages again, this time, not effected by the empty page. He knew he needed to do something, even if it doesn't work, even if he doesn't answer, George was allowed to say he tried right?
He went through his contacts, almost everybody he scrolled through seemed to be on do not disturb. Understandable, who would want George to disturb their obviously more important activities than helping him? Like he did for them? He pushed the thoughts away, pressing on the name of his best friend.
He remembered when they were younger, Dream would check in with George to see if he was alright whenever he seemed distant or sad. The brunet would obviously distance most the truth from the boy, only worried that he would be scared or force George to stop hurting himself. Eventually, George started getting too anxious whenever he saw a text of Dreams, scared he'd pry his way into Georges emotions and pressure him. He loved his best friend, but he also loved his space.
George 9:12
Dream?
Testing the waters. That's what he was doing, if Dream didn't respond, maybe he was busy? Maybe he had gotten sick of George pushing his problems onto the blond. Maybe he was having his own issues that were worse than George's, and George was so blind that he couldn't even see it. Was George the asshole? Was George the one ignoring Dream?
