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It feels like life has just been passing Nunie by. Within the next few days, she gets discharged from the hospital, and while she's upset because she's leaving on her own—she knows it's for the best. The next few weeks are spent with Nunie living in denial because,
𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐎 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐀 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐙𝐀
𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍 𝐓𝐎
𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐀 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐙𝐀
𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇: 𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝟏𝟏, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑
𝐖𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝟒.𝟔 𝐋𝐁𝐒
𝐒𝐄𝐗: 𝐌
Every day, she looks at that small slip of paper, somehow, it still doesn't feel real.
She's a mother.
She has a child.
A son.
Emilio.
So, instead of dwelling on all the negative, Nunie throws herself into preparing her room—her little nest for just her and Emilio. It's a daunting task—especially while Nunie's still in her own process of recovering, but it takes her mind off everything. It gives her time to her time to recuperate, gather herself, and prepare for—
Motherhood.
What the fuck is she even doing?
Nunie sighs. She sits at the foot of her bed, looking at Emilio's crib. Her abuelito had taken off her closet doors, and Nunie decides that area will be Emilio's space. She put his crib there with a mobile, along with a small chest holding a few of his things. She has another smaller dresser that doubles as a changing table next to her own holding all his clothes, bibs, nappies, shoes, and other miscellaneous stuff. She'd gone shopping with her abuelita for preemie clothes as well—Emilio was so small, so tiny—he'd have to gain a lot more weight to fit the clothes Nunie had bought for him previously.
She'd started pumping as well just like the nurse instructed her too once she left the hospital to ensure she was producing enough milk for Emilio. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, Nunie went to the hospital to deliver milk—but she always left without a baby.
Waiting was killing her but the fear of knowing one day, she would take him home, was a lot more powerful.
Everytime she went, the nurses showed her what to do—how to hold him, feed him, change his diaper—her abuelita spends her evenings lecturing Nunie on all there is to know about newborns and babies. It's a lot of information—too much to digest and sometimes, Nunie can't sleep because she's worried she'll be a bad mother—that she's way in over her head about this, and she can't stand looking at Emilio's crib sometimes because she's scared, and she's scared she's going to mess up, she can't handle that type of failure—no, not with him—she can't afford to mess him up like her mother did with her—like her father did with her, she can't—
