It's only a matter of time

Chapter 42

Tw: mentions of abuse and trauma
Alex POV

I don't know what John's gonna do but I know it'll be bad. He's terrifying when he's mad. I feel horrible that I didn't write to him at all, I should have tried harder to get a letter past my father. I could have done more. But fuck I'm so scared of him, I'm tried and in pain and I can't hardly think anymore, I just wish things were back to normal. I want my husband back and I want to see my kids but I can't. My father won't leave and he won't let me live with John.

I could fall asleep right here, so easily, genuinely I've slept about 8 maybe 10 hours in the past 2 weeks. And it's been like that for months. So really its not like a slept well 3 weeks ago, My father keeps track of all the work I do, he won't let me rest for a second, he says I need to do better. He's probably right. I need to get back to work, I grab out a quill and start writing, the letters look a little blurry and jumbled up but that's been happening a lot recently, if I focus enough I can see properly.

While I'm writing. The door opens again, I look up and see John. I go to put the quill down but find it's still in my draw. Fuck. "Lexi come here" he shuts my look and walks in. I get up walk over to him and he just wraps his arms around me I don't know why but this just makes me start sobbing, I missed him so much "it's ok, I've got you, I'm not gonna let him touch you again" he says softly

He lean against him and hold him tight, I don't ever wanna left go.. wait what if he's not actually here, I don't even care if he's not. "I'm so sorry:. I should have written to you, he just kept burning all your letters and-" he cuts me off mid sentence

"Its alright my love" he takes my hands "everything is alright now, you can tell me about it later if you want to talk about it but right now we're going home"

"No.. no I can't do that, he'll put me in the closet again, I need to be at work" I look at him and gently touch his face "please tell me you're really here"

"I'm here, I'm really here I promise. And your dad won't do anything to you, now let's go home, please darling, I need you to sleep for me ok?" He begs but I just shake my head

"I can't go back there, not when he could still be there" I insist,

He sighs "ok.we don't have to go" he sits down on the floor "but can you please lay down and go to sleep?" I trust him.. if he says I can sleep right now I believe him. He takes off his coat and wraps if up then puts it on his lap. I lay down next to him with my head in his lap and close my eyes, within seconds I'm asleep

I wake up after I don't know how long to John gently tapping me "hey my darling" he says softly, I look at him, "do you think you'd wanna get up, you can go back to sleep soon, we don't have to go home, we could go to Catherine house and there you can sleep more comfortably"

I nod and sit up, I'm still incredibly tired but I do feel better. Enough so that inanimate objects aren't moving anymore. John stands up and helps me up "how long was I asleep?"

"A few hours, it's pretty late now, so as soon as we get to Catherine's house you can go back to sleep" I nod and walk outside with him.

"Wait I should grab my work I need to finish it" I turn around but John takes my arm

"No, please Alex you need to sleep I'm really worried about you" I look and him, was he crying before? He looks like he might cry. "I know you're scared.. that is not your fault, none of this is your fault. But I need you to take a break, we don't have to go home, we don't have to talk to do anything, all you need to do is sleep and then eat ok? Please no more work for a bit,for me at least" he plead

I sigh "I want to.. I'm just so fucking scared, if my father found out I'm not working right now, I don't know what he'd do" I know what he would do but I don't wanna tell John, at least not right now.

"I took care of your father. He is not gonna hurt you again, as long as I'm here you are safe, I swear on my life I won't let him touch you" I nod and take his hand. We walk back to Catherine's house. I still don't think my father is gone, he's a stubborn person he's not just gonna leave. when we get to Catherine's place everyone is asleep. So me and john quietly talk up to the spare room. "Cathrine knows that we're here, I think you should sleep all tomorrow and we'll sleep as much as you want but when you wake up Catherine will make sure you're ok. I have to get up early in the morning but then I'll be back" he explains and he gets into bed.

I nod and lay next to him "wait I had stuff planned for when you got back.. I was hoping we wouldn't sleep" he look at him

He laughs softly "we can do that another day, I just want you to sleep and feel better" he pulls me into his arms "I love you so much, and I'm so glad I'm back with you"

"I'm glad I'm with you too..it's been horrible without you..I couldn't get a minute of peace, and any time I tried to my father would just come in and make me get back to work" I sigh and play with his hand, he still wears his wedding ring, in respect to Eliza and to show that he doesn't want a relationship, we'll with other people that is.

"What did he do? If you're not really to talk about it that's ok but I'm here is you want to" he smiles softly

I nod "he.. ugh he always needs to control everything, I removed he was like that with my mother as well, and I guess he decided he wanted to control my life again. He would go through my mail to see who it's form and then he would read all my letters before I sent them, he locked me in my office for hours and then check how much work I did.. and if I didn't do enough.. he would lock me in the broom cupboard for anywhere between 2 and 10 hours. And I know that doesn't really sound bad but it was torture, I guess partly cuz he did it in Nevis as well, but he would occasionally bang the door and walls so I couldn't fall asleep, and he would put extra stuff in so there was hardly room to Breathe" I sit up and move over. Just talking about it makes me feel claustrophobic. I try not to panic though, I don't want John to worry.

John sits up and takes my hand again but doesn't move closer, I'm grateful for that. I guess it's kinda obvious I'm anxious "I'm so so sorry you had to go through that, it's so horrible and no one should experience that. And I know I can't undo what he did but I can promise you that you will never have to go through that again, I'll do whatever it takes to ensue you feel safe at home, even if that means staying here for a bit"

I nod "yeah.. maybe" I sigh and look at him "why do you have to get up early tomorrow?"

"Oh, I just have a last minute meeting that came up, it shouldn't take long" he smile "oh and the kids are here by the way, Catherine told them they can see you in a day or two, they're asleep already" he explains.

"Okay, I'm  gonna try and go back to sleep now" I lay down and sigh, I hope John's right and my dad is gone for good.