It's only a matter of time

Chapter 1

TW: Death
John POV

I get up the front and fumble with the paper in my pocket. I wipe my eyes again and look at my speech, I scan over it with my eyes and scrunch it up and put it back in  my pocket.

"I'm not reading out a stupid speech. Words aren't going to bring her back, so why should I share what me and her had with everyone else" I look at the casket  and more tears come to my eyes "you can all go home"  I walk back to my seat snd tell the kids to come with me.

One of the worst parts about all this was having to tell my 4 kids their mum is dead. Piper and  Everest are really the only ones old enough to understand what death means so I had to tell the younger two Gabriel snd Anne that she had gone away and couldn't come back.

I don't know how I'm supposed to raise these kids alone, I can't even let her mum look after them, she lost her daughter.

I take the kids home and get them dinner and send them to bed. I sit down on the kitchen bench. the kitten is a mess, the house is a mess. If she was here she'd yell at me to get of my ass and help her clean up.

But instead of cleaning up or working I sit and stare at the bottle of alcohol in front of me. I stopped drinking for her, she knew me getting drunk all the time wasn't good for the family. But now what am I supposed to do?

Everything reminds me of her so at least if I'm drunk I can wake up in the morning and tell myself she's just downstairs making me breakfast.

2 weeks earlier
3rd person

"You've been throwing up at lot love and you have a temperature, I'll send for a doctor" John said, trying to comfort his frighteningly sick wife

She just nodded as she gagged into her chamber pot next to the bed. John sighed and got up and walked to his home office and wrote and sent a letter to a doctor. luckily their kids were staying with their Grandparents so they wouldn't get sick.

Soon the doctor arrived. After a few minutes of examining her his face turned into a sympathetic expression. "It appears to be yellow fever, you might not want to be so close Mr Laurens"

Both John and His wifes faces fell. They both knew exactly how deadly this was. But John Refused to leave.

Instead he sent the doctor away and sat next to her, gathering her in his arms with already tear filled eyes

"John..." she whispered, and gently placed her pale, delicate hand on his cheek "don't cry over this my love, it I do die I will have considered my self luckier than anyone else to have you as my husband. I know you'll be ok without me"

John shook his head, tears starting to fall from his eyes "no.. no I'll never be ok without you. You're everything to me" 

She wiped away his tears and kissed him softly "Once I'm gone I want you to move on. I want you to find a kind and loving wife, someone that will love you as I have and look after the children as I have, and give you more children like you've always wanted"

"As longs as I live I will never love anyone as much as I love you, and I will never be with another woman. And I won't let people forget you, I won't let anyone speak a word against you" John promised

She smiles softly "I know you won't,  I know what you'll do. And I'll watch all of it from heaven" she said, tears falling down her cheeks.

John pulled her close in his arms as they both cried, murmuring occasional declarations of love to each other.

They days past and John wife only got worse, each day she would tell John to go; to ensure he wouldn't get sick, and each day he would refuse and hold her and comfort her through it all.

And then that fateful day came. John held her close as she took her last breath. He let out a gasp like sob of grief. And for days he did nothing but cry and curse the world for taking his wife from him.

The day after the funeral
John POV

I wake up at 6am.. we'll I get out of bed. I don't sleep at all, how can I possibly sleep in this empty bed. The same bed She died in, the same bed we slept together in? The same bed she would laugh and smile and roll her her at me in.

Piper asked to go to the Grave yard today. I can't possibly say no. So once I feed the kids, thankfully without Anne bursting into tears and asking for her mama, I get them out of the house.

"Papa?" Piper said  tearfully looking up at me,I look down  at her "can we go Mamas favourite park after this?"

I nodded "of course we can sweetheart"  we walk the rest of the way to the church see she's buried. No child deserves to lose their mother. Piper snd ever are only 7, Anne's 4 and Gabriel's only 3.  They shouldn't have to know what this kind of grief feels like.

I look at her Grave stone, they used her full name. She hated her full name. After awhile I tell the kids to start walking to the park

As they do I put my hand on the gravestone "I miss you.. snd you don't deserve any of this. And I'm so sorry for ever taking you for granted, If I could trade my life for yours I'd do it in a second" I say softly as I cry "I love you...Eliza. I always will"