Begin Again (a Matty Healy and Jessica Sula fanfic)

21. Reality

Matty

I've been here before a million times, but it never gets old. My knees scrape against the cold tile on my bathroom floor as I drag myself back over the toilet bowl to vomit more alcohol from the night before. I can piece together scenes from last night's party but I barely remember how I got home.

The last year of my life has just been non stop drinking, partying, fucking anyone and everyone, pissing people off and playing music.

As I stand up and wipe the leftover vomit off my lips with the back of my hand, I look down at my thighs and Im reminded of the burning I hadn't done in a year. My pale skin is pink and puckered from the healing it's been doing. I walk over to the mirror to wash my hands and i am saddened by the sight in front of me; my reflection.

My eyes are sunken with dark rings around them. My lips are dry and my skin pale and sickly. My brown knotted hair has grown down to my shoulders and I have no plans on cutting it. I take a deep breath and splash cold water on my face.

As I'm walking back to my bedroom, I hear a scream and someone yelling "yes of course". I know right away its Mica. Which means George has proposed and she accepted. I knew she would, she's practically moved in here. All of a sudden I hear a third voice through the hallway and my heart catches in my throat and my hands start to tremble.

Sloane's voice comes cascading down the hallway towards me and I start to panic but I remind myself she's not physically here, it's just a phone call.

It scares me that I have that dramatic of a reaction to her voice, so I'm blaming it on my hangover.

I havent spoken to her in a year. The first few months were harder than I anticipated and I repeatedly tried to reach out but she never responded to my calls or texts. I even showed up at her place but was pushed away by Mica. I heard she moved into her own place and I see glimpses of her on Mica's instagram.

I take a breathe and head to my bedroom. As I open the door I'm reminded of the olive skinned girl in my bed. I almost shake her awake to tell her to leave, but shes already stretching and waking herself up. She sits up in bed and smiles at me.

"Hi Matty, I had fun last night. We should do it again sometime."
I can't remember her name so i shrug and start picking her clothes off the floor. I hand them to her and she gives me an annoyed look.

"Sorry. I have plans, if you could get dressed, so I can get going that would be great."

She sends me a death stare and grabs her clothes out of my hands. She hurriedly dresses and slams my door on her way out.

I get back in bed and reach over towards my bedside table. I pull out a small pill bottle that holds my oxy and I pop a few. I lay down and close my eyes hoping to get away from reality, but all I can think about now is Sloane.

Sloane

"Hello Sloaneeeee," Mica slurs as she finishes her second cocktail.
"Are you okay with Matty being at my wedding?"
I sigh as I sip on my water.
"Ya, that's totally fine," I lie as I fiddle with the rings on my fingers.

"I can handle it Mica. This is your day, it's not about me. I love you. Also slow down on the drinks." I say as I order her another water.

"Look at my ring!" Mica squeals as she shoves her diamond clad hand in my face for the fifth time. The 2.5 carat Tiffany engagement ring glints in the sun as she grabs her third cocktail. I laugh as she starts dancing back and forth in her seat at the prospect of marrying George. 

For the rest of our meal we talk wedding venues, dresses and bachelorette details. All of Mica's excitement washes over me and I dive into full party planner mode. After Mica's 6th cocktail, I text George that I'll be driving Mica home.
Seconds later I hear my phone ding.

Her apartment keys are here, so can you drop her at my place.

I immediately cringe at the thought of seeing Matty, but I don't want to be a nuisance, so I text back.

Sure, ill be outside in 20.

My phone makes another ding sound.

At band practice in basement, do you mind bringing her in?

I immediately feel annoyance creeping into my mood and I text back.

Sure:)

I pay the bill, and help Mica into my back seat where she falls right to sleep. Her lilac slip dress falling off her shoulder to reveal she's braless. I immediately pull the strap back over her shoulder and put her seatbelt on.

As i slip into the driver seat, I take a deep breathe and pray I don't run into Matty.