Abhira 3.0 - Healing

SS - Regrets (6)

Anxiety pills....

"Par us din ke baad, jaise saans lena mushkil sa hone laga hai. Har ek din sadiyo jaisa lagta hai. Bas apni zimmedaari ko nibha raha hu, par jee nahi paa raha. Kyunki jeene ki wajah ko toh maine khud hi apne se dur kardiya tha...."

Their eyes met, and while he tried to gauge her reaction, she sat unblinking, trying to process what she had just been told. She felt a shiver run down her spine, his gaze piercing her heart. A knot in her throat prevented any words from coming out, but this didn't stop her from reaching out to him, providing him silent support in the form of resting her hand on his, as she faced her own realization.

He had been suffering.

All this time, she thought he was fine in the midst of his family, while she suffered all alone. But he had also been in pain. Slowly deteriorating, being weighed down by the promises, the responsibilities, he was also living as a shell of his former self; one that was just breathing for others. She tightened the grip on his hand, silently apologizing, silently letting him know she understood the gravity of what he had said.

As soon as she rested her hand on his, he grabbed it with both his hands. He felt like a drowning man who'd been thrown a life raft, and he held onto it for dear life. For the first time in years, he felt a sense of calm, holding onto the person that had the power to heal him, to heal his soul. He blinked in gratitude for her gesture, for her unsaid understanding. After a moment of relief, of calm, he continued, as he knew he still had more to apologize for.

"Tumne jo kaha, ki kaise tumne woh 7 mahine guzaare, kaise mujhe yaad kiya, socha ki mai aaj aaunga, aaj phone karunga, un 7 mahino ke intezaar ke liye, woh sab kuch akele sehne ke liye, I'm sorry. Halat jaise bhi rahe ho, mujhe tumhe phone karna chahiye tha, tumse milne aana chahiye tha. Tumhaari tabiyat bhi theek nahi thi, aur maine is baat ka bhi dhyaan nahi rakha. Maine ek doctor ho ke bhi, apna farz nahi nibhaya. Bade papa ke saath nahi aaya, aur is baat ka hamesha afsos rahega. Unhone waapis aane ke baad jo bhi kaha ho, usse meri galti toh kam nahi ho jaati na? He said remembering Bade papa's words, of them potentially being better off separated. It didn't matter what anyone said, he was at fault for not reaching out, for distancing her from himself to such an extent. There was no excuse good enough to defend his actions.

Jo waqt hum dono ki zindagi ka sabse khubsoorat hona chahiye tha, usse narq jaisa jeene pe majboor karne ke liye, I'm sorry. D...Delivery mai, jab mujhe tumhaare saath hokar, tumhaara hosla badhaana chahiye tha, meri jagah koi ajnabee tha. Tumhaari, Junior ki zindagi j...jaa sakti thi, aur is pal mai tumhe bilkul akele chod dene ke liye, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Akshu. Tum jaanti nahi ho mujhe kitni gheen aa rahi hai khud pe, ki maine tumhaare saath aisa kiya, aisa hone diya."

He tightened his grip on her hand, fearing she'd take it away, like the air from his lungs. He felt ashamed, broken and just in need of being held. He wanted to cocoon himself in his blanket, cut himself off from this world and just cry until he couldn't anymore...

He was truly ashamed, truly sorry, she realized. He was regretful. Regretting his actions, his words, of leaving her. Every sorry he said screamed his hurt, his agony of having put her through that situation. Even if she forgave him, there was a part of him would never forgive himself.

Her heart tugged at her at that thought. She moved closer to embrace the man breaking down in front of her. She hugged him tight, his mind in shock of her actions, before he also reciprocated. She could feel his arms tighten their hold on her, engulfing her tiny frame in his, while his broken sobs got louder. She herself felt an overwhelming sense of peace, finally finding the solace she was searching for, subconsciously knowing it would only be with him. They sat there for a while, hoping they could freeze time and remain this way forever. Wishing they could forget the cruel reality, for their dreams had always been better, happier, and full of sukoon.

Reluctantly, knowing this was a moment of weakness, he broke away from her, instantly feeling empty and cold. He wanted to respect her and the boundaries set, though he didn't regret his moment of peace either. She also realized what she had done, but for once, she didn't feel regret, just a sense of calm, like her heart had been able to beat again. They straightened themselves up and shared a look of understanding.

"Mai sabke liye sorry hu, har ek cheez ke liye sharminda hu, par ek baat hai jo mai dil se nikaal hi nahi paa raha. Shayad hamesha dil ko chubhe gi." He continued, knowing he had to let all of his emotions out. It was important if he wanted to move forward, to finally heal. She looked at him knowingly, already feeling a wave of guilt hit her. He cleared his throat, willing himself to speak, to form sentences that he found difficult to voice.

"Abhir....mera Junior, mera hokar bhi, mera nahi hai. Woh kisi aur ko papa kehta hai. Mera khud ka beta, jiski dhadkhan maine pehle suni thi, joh mere liye mere dil ki dhadkan hai, woh jaanta hi nahi ki mai uska papa hu, sirf uska DocMan nahi. Maine uske pehle kadam, uska pehla shabd, uski pehli smile, sab miss kardiya. Aur woh pal mere liye kabhi waapis nahi aayenge. Maine mere bete ka bachpan miss kardiya. Mai jaanta hu isme galti meri bhi hai, par tumne kaise kardiya Akshu? Kaise mere bete ki zindagi mai, meri pehchaan kisi aur ko de di? Mai hamesha se ek accha baap banna chahta tha. Jaise mera bachpan guzra, usse bilkul alag chahta tha mere baccho ke liye. Par mujhe toh mauka hi nahi mila. 6 saal se mujhe pata nahi tha, aur ab, jab mujhe pata chala hai, ki Abhir mera beta hai, tabbhi woh mauka nahi mil raha. Kyun?

Kya mai itna bura hu Akshara?"

Akshara looked down, breaking their gaze out of shame. She knew in her heart of hearts, that she had snatched away his right. His right to be a father, his right to live out his childhood through Abhir, to know his son. To be the best father she knew he was capable of being. There was nothing that would bring back the past 6 years for him, and this gutted her. She had been wronged on that day, yes. But that didn't change the fact that after, for the past 6 years, she had wronged him as well.

"Maine socha nahi tha ki zindagi mujhe itni badi saza degi. Tum mujhe itni badi saza dogi. Akshara, mai usse yeh sach batana chahta hu, ki mai uska papa hu, aur woh mera beta hai. Par uski surgery ke baad, kyunki mai uske health ke saath koi risk nahi lena chahta. Par sabse badi baat, mai usse tumse cheen na nahi chahta. Mai aisa soch bhi nahi sakta. Mai sirf apne bete ki zindagi ka hissa banna chahta hu, usse bada hote hue dekhna chahta hu." He knew it was important to clear her doubts, her biggest fear that he wanted to snatch Abhir away from her.

She looked at him, eyes wide open. He wasn't going to snatch Abhir away from her. She chided herself for even doubting him, but that was the fear she had lived with for the past 6 years. As the realization sunk in, she exhaled loudly, finally letting out a breath she hadn't known she was holding.

"Tum...tum Abhir ko mujhse alag nahi karoge?" She stated, but it came out more like a question. She knew she probably sounded dumb, but she wanted to make sure she had heard correctly, that she wasn't dreaming. He shook his head no.

Before he knew it, he was pushed back by the force of her hug. She threw her hands around his neck, burying her head in the crook of his neck. This time, it was her turn to break down in his arms.

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A/n: Hello! Thank you once again for the support on this story. As mentioned last time, more focused on Abhi's POV. Hope it resonated with you. I will most likely be finishing up this story in the next part. Do vote and comment on your thoughts on this update.