Abhira 3.0 - Healing

SS - Regrets (3)

A/n: Thank you so much for the support everyone! This was ranked #29 in Abhira, and I appreciate the love. Here's the next part, we're getting close! Do provide feedback and comments. Happy reading :)

PS - you might need tissues :'(

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Akshara/Abhimanyu

"Jaise tese, maine mahine guzaar liye. Itni bhi moti nahi hui, jaisa tumne socha tha." Both chuckled remembering his dream of her being moti, gappu si. "Maine bahot koshish ki, ki mai apna dhyaan rakhu, healthy khaau, aur khush rahu. Par khushiya to adhuri thi na? Kher, chodo. Phir woh din aa hi gaya, jab Abhir aane wala tha. Itna dard horaha tha ki bardaasht hi nahi horaha tha mujse. Mujhe pata hai, agar tum hote na, toh mujhe sambhaal lete. Mere baalo ko sehlaate hue mujhse kehte ki meri Akshu toh bahot strong hai, kuch nahi hoga. Mai tumhe aur hamare bacche ko kuch nahi hone dunga."

Abhimanyu's heart broke, yet again. Is it possible to have your heart broken this many times but still somehow be breathing? He remembered how overprotective he was during the initial days of her pregnancy. How he wished to protect her like a glass doll, and the reality she ended up living. The dreams they had seen together; the one of their happy family, of being the best parents to their twins, to the stark reality which they faced now.

"Jab mai delivery room mai thi, tab maine doctor aur Abhinav ke beech ki baat sunli. Kyunki meri pregnancy itni complicated thi, shayad unhe chunna pade, mujhe bachaaye, yaa phir hamare bacche ko. Mai jaanti hu ki agar tum hote, toh bina soche keh dete ki mujhe bachaale. Par Abhinav ne kaha ki bacche ko bachaale. Kyunki agar yeh nahi bachta, toh mai toh vaisi bhi zinda nai rehti."

He remembered her asking this during the initial days and him turning her down that very instant. In what world would he have chosen the baby over her? There was no way he could have lost her. But then again, didn't he? End up losing her, that is. He himself told her to leave, and never return.

"Bahot time ke baad, Abhir aaya, aur mai bhi bach gayi thi. Par kamsori ki vajese, behosh ho gayi. Par tumhe pata hai, behosh hone se pehle, maine tumhe awaaz di thi. Mujhe laga mera DocMan aaya hai, mera Abhi, aur tumne Abhir ko god me liya hai. Par jab main 4 din baad uthi, toh tum nahi, Abhinav the. Tumhe hona chahiye tha waha Abhi! Kyon nahi the tum?" She cried bitterly, as she knew from this point is where everything changed. Along with Abhir, a new Akshara was born. The Akshara, which was only Abhir's mother, devoid of any other emotion besides anger. The one who survived only because of her son, and lives only for him. This is also the point when she buried his Akshu, so deep, hidden under layers of hurt and anger, that she never dared to come out.

Abhimanyu just looked down in shame. What could he say? No matter what had happened, she didn't deserve this. The woman he loved with his entire being didn't deserve to be all alone fighting for her life, fighting for their son to be born, not knowing if he would be accepted if anything should happen to her. What if she had not made it? What would have happened to Abhir? Would Abhinav have ever contacted him? What would have happened to him...would he still be living? In a world where his Akshara, his Akshu was no more?

After calming herself by taking some deep breaths and wiping the tears that still flowed freely, she continued, realizing she had to admit her fault. The fault that Akshara was trying so hard to deny, his Akshu couldn't. "Us din, tumhaari baimoujudgi nai mujhe itna gussa dilaya, ki usme maine dusri aur shayad sabse badi galti karadi. Maine Abhinav se puccha ki woh Abhir ke papa banenge? Jab unhone haa ki, to maine bhi decide karliya ki yeh tumhara baccha ab nahi hai. Agar hota, toh tum mere saath hote. Birth certificate par bhi maine tumhara naam nai likha." She fidgeted with her kurti, as the next part was something she hadn't been able to admit yet, even after all these years. Yes, she was angry, hurt. But still, she didn't have the right to completely take him out of Abhir's life. To never disclose to him that he had a son, a son who was a mirror image of him. "I'm sorry Abhi. I'm so sorry." She finally muttered. "Mai jaanti hun, ki maine galat kiya, aur aaj bhi kar rahi hun. Maine khud ke liye ek nayi zindagi bana li, aur usme itni kho gayi, ki ab bahar aana mushkil lag raha hai. Maine chaahe Abhir ko tumhaare baare mai nai bataaya, par woh hai toh tumhara hi na? In 6 saalo mein, maine uski harqato mein, yaa baato mein, har jagah tumhe paaya hai. Mai tabbhi nazar andaaz karti rahi, kyunki mai hurt thi. Jab tum Kasauli aaye the, tab mujhe apni choti si duniya bikharti nazar aane lagi. Tum dono, sach naa jaante hue bhi itne nazdik aagaye the. Mujhe tumhe us time hi sab bataa dena chahiye tha, par nahi bata saki. Mujhe laga, ki tum Abhir ko mujse cheen longe, aur Abhir ke bina mai kaise rehti? Par janti hu, ki yeh galat hai, kyunki tum to 6 saal apne bete se dur rahe. Toh tumpe toh kya hi beeti hongi. Pata nahi ki tumhe kuch samaj aa bhi raha hai yah phir mai bakwaas kiye jaa rahi hu." She chuckled. She hadn't let her feelings out in so long that she didn't even know if she was making any sense or just rambling at this point. She just wanted to keep going though, as incoherent as it may be and get everything out.  

He couldn't believe his ears. She had gone through hell, survived and even now, had admitted her mistake before him. Were her actions correct? No, they weren't. But she was reacting to his actions. His actions, which he still hadn't fully apologized for. If he wanted to be an active part of his son's life, he realized he had to begin with correcting his actions towards her. He had to make her believe that he would never steal Abhir from her. And to think that she even had this thought showed just how affected she was by his actions on that day, and the days that followed. Her trust in him was completely shattered. 

"Mai kabhi Udaipur nahi aana chahti thi," she began again. "Is sheher nai mujse sirf cheena hai, aur mai darti thi ki Abhir bhi yahi mujse cheen na jaaye. Par uske school mai baat karne ke baad, mujhe laga ki mai apne gusse main, usko apne hi nainihaal se dur nahi karsakti. Phir Mimi ki birthday mai, sab se mulaqat hui, aur tumhaari shaadi ki baat bhi sunni. Mai jaanti thi ki agar maine apni ek duniya banaayi hai, toh tumhe bhi haq hai, aage badne ka. Aur maine sabse bhi yahi kaha. Ki mujhe isme k..kya problem ho sakti hai. Par jab tumhara accident hua"..she shuddered remembering that day, where her whole world collapsed. "Aur tumne muje pukaara, tumhaari Akshu ko, toh mai apne aap ko rok nahi paayi. Us din, Akshara ki nakli duniya mai daraar pad gayi. Jab tumne hosh kho diya, meri hi god mein, toh meri saasein atak gayi. Tumhe kuch nahi ho sakta tha. Manjri aunty nai jab tumhe apni god mai liya, tab jaake mujhe ehsaas hua ki maine kya kiya hai. Sab mujhe dekh rahe the, mann sirf ek sawal, ki agar hum dur ho chuke hai, toh mujhe farq kyu pada? Mai toh tumhe dekhne ke liye hospital bhi aagayi. Mujhe tasalli karni thi ki tum theek ho. Par..." she fidgeted with her kurti again, remembering what happened at the hospital.

He furrowed his brows...he mattered to her. After all this time, and everything that happened, he mattered. Yes, she had said just today that there was no married relationship with Abhinav, but if he mattered so much, that she could run to him without a care in this world, then why hadn't she told him about their son? Why had she told him it was a mistake to run to him? Why had she run off to Kasauli after his accident? 

"Hospital mai, Manjri aunty ko tu..tumhaare phone mai woh calls dekhe, jo tumne mujhe kiye the, accident se pehle. Unhe laga, ki sab..sab meri wajase hua hai. 6 saal pehle ka woh din phir dohraayaa jaa raha tha." She trembled remembering the accusations, which once again she had faced. "Jab woh muj pe chilla rahi thi, sab the waha, par kisine kuch nahi bola unke aage. Ki..kisine mera saath nahi diya. Mai sunti gayi, pata nahi kyun, par jab unhone mujhe kaha ki m..m..mai tumhaari jaan lena chahti thi, tab mujse bardaastht nahi hua. Mai kaise tumhaari jaan le sakti thi? Mai kabhi sapne mai bhi nahi soch sakti thi. Nahi, tumhe kuch nahi ho sakta tha. Mai bhaag gayi waha se, aur maine soch liya, ki mai waapis Kasauli chali jaungi, tumse hamesha ke liye dur." She hugged her knees and rocked back and forth, crying and mumbling..."tumhe kuch nahi ho ga...."

He looked at her bewildered. She was accused, yet again, for an accident. One that could have happened to anyone, anywhere. She had stood there listening to his mother spew hatred towards her, but the thing that broke her was being accused of wanting to purposefully take his life. Even he knew in his heart, that she could never do, let alone think of it. He didn't realize when his feet started moving, taking him towards her. It was like his heart was taking charge for the first time in 6 years, and his body was just following. He towered over her, looking at her with all the love he had, and gently placed his hand on her head, providing the support, the warmth and solace she was craving.

"Abhi..."

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A/n: Sorry for the super long chapter, and thank you if you've made it this far! I'm not sure I love it, but I just wanted to get to the next part. Look forward to your comments.