The Highs and Lows of Being a Lioness

Introduction

Amelia's POV:

I've been alive for 20 years. Two decades. It may not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things, i mean people can live for five times that now, they may be a walking corpse but who am i to judge. For me however, 20 years has felt like a lifetime, and if i have to live through all of that five times over i don't think anyone would like who i'd become, i'd be fucking terrifying.

 In 20 years i have experienced my fair share of things, i mean i don't want to brag but bestie has issues. I'd like to say i'm an open book but that would be a lie, quite frankly I'm about as closed off as it gets.

"You know when you sit there thinking about all the things that are shit in your life - and I mean really shit - you start to wonder what it would be like to tell someone about it, to finally open up, to get this weight you've been dragging around since the day you were born off your chest, and then you remember that any sane human being would think you were fucking crazy." i began saying to the woman in front of me.

"well why don't you tell me a few of those things" she replied

"look no offence i know you're job is to fix me and everything, but i think maybe take the free pay-check and pretend that's its not with me" i said laughing it off.

She looked at me concerned. 

It wasn't a big deal or anything i actually found my life quite entertaining. i had this innate ability to make anything seem funny to myself. For example, my cat died when i was 8 and i laughed my ass off. It overestimated its ability to get hit by a car going 40mph and survive. I mean how stupid do you have to be!

See what i was saying I'm unhinged... 

I will admit though I cried for weeks over that stupid fucking cat.

Anyway back to what i was saying. I'm fully aware that i have problems but if i was going to need a defence mechanism, why shouldn't it be humour.

"you aren't broken you're just in pain" she said, softly smiling at me

"doc I'd really rather we just stick to the jokes if i'm being forced to have these sessions with you." i said mimicking her smile. 

God i'm such an asshole, literally get a grip of your self Ame. I know i come across as an awful human being which is a great start if I'm trying to get you guys to like me but its just my way of coping. If you are insanely lucky or just stubborn as fuck you might just get to see the actual me. Maybe... 

"i know you despise talking about yourself Amelia-" she started to say

I cut her off "its Ame, i go by Ame" It is true i do prefer Ame but i think i only cut in to try and change the subject which clearly wasn't going to work, at least not with a therapist.

"I know you despise talking about yourself Ame" she began to say again "but this is our fifth session and if we are going to avoid wasting both of our times you're eventually going to have to tell me something"

"i know" i said. At this point i knew she was right, i needed to stop being such a prick but this made me nervous, really nervous. I grabbed the first thing within arms reach to fiddle with, fortunately there was a lot to choose from as i am in a therapists office. I picked up a rubber band and wrapped it round my wrist gently pinging it against me. it didn't exactly hurt but it did distract me from what i knew i had to do. 

"just tell me one thing" she pleaded. 

I let out a a deep breath, one i think i've been holding since i was born and shuffled in my seat trying to get somewhat comfy for the trauma dumping that was about to commence.

"I'm adopted" i whispered. i said it so quietly that i thought she wouldn't even hear me, which was what i desperately wanted, but the way her face softened i knew i hadn't gotten away with it. 

I was expecting her to jump in and ask me questions about it, but she just sat there waiting for me to continue.

"Don't get me wrong i adore my family. The Russo's took me in when i was only 9. I played for the same team as less growing up, or as you might know her, Manchester United's striker Alessia Russo. They've been great to me, better than great actually. They never treat me like i am adopted and i know that they love us both equally but-" at this point i stopped talking, I could feel my voice start to crack and i really didn't want to cry today.

I pinged the rubber band against my wrist, harder this time leaving a slight red mark where the band recoiled against my skin, i stared at it for a moment before continuing...

"but, I am adopted. I was not born into that family which doesn't bug me at all, its more the people i had to call my family before that which bugs me"

She had not stopped looking at me since i started talking and something about the soft look on her face made it seem like she genuinely wanted to listen, to hear what i was saying. This was something i wasn't used to in the past so i continued feeling slightly valued for once, 

"Mark and Carol are two of the most horrible people i think i will ever meet" i looked up at her and stopped talking, realising she was confused.

She finally spoke up "do you mind if i ask who they are?" she said gently

"oh right yeah they are my biological parents and are complete assholes. Im sorry for calling them that but it's true. They hated me, their own daughter. They would yell at me for prioritising football over school, or school over football, i couldn't win. They spoke down to me constantly, they made me feel unloved and unwanted because i was unloved and unwanted, at least by them. They'd hit me when i had done something they deemed to be unacceptable, like getting in from school at 3:32pm rather than 3:30pm, you know because they are completely reasonable people" i laughed this off as if it was a completely sane response to me being late, i mean why didn't i just tell the bus driver to hurry the fuck up and just push cars out the way, how unacceptable of me.

I continued "the point is i couldn't do anything right in their eyes and they reminded me of that constantly." At this point i was crying, like UGLY crying, something i don't think i had ever done in front of another person, let alone a complete bloody stranger, it felt kind of okay.

She took a minute to carefully formulate a response before finally breaking the silence as she  handed me a tissue "Ame, i am so sorry." she began "No one should ever have to experience something like that, especially not at the age of 9. I want you to know that I'm extremely proud of you for opening up to me, something i know doesn't come easy to you. I would like to try something... If you can promise me that you will actively participate in these sessions i will clear you to return to football-"

i cut her off "oh my god yes I PROMISE I PROMISE, i'll tell you all about my fucked up life if you let me play football again" the tears on my face instantly dried up and my frown was replaced by the biggest smile i had shown in a long time.

"Ame i want to be clear, if you do not keep to your schedule exactly, and i mean exactly, as well as maintaining regular sessions with me i will pull you out of the squad immediately, but i think you deserve to be given the chance to get back to who you are" she said, with a soft smile on her face. "i will let you go for today and you can participate in training but i will be keeping a close eye on you okay?"

"YES YES, THANK YOU, WHATEVER IT TAKES" i was so happy and sprinted for the door to make it to training on time.

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AN - i know this first chapter is really long but i wanted to give you some of the backstory on ame before we dive in to the football and the other players. i hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think :)