Never Really Over

Chapter 50

John can't sleep. In years gone by, it would be the demons in his head keeping him awake. He'd start to catastrophise over the draw; imagining the worst combination of results in the final group games that would prevent England from making it through to the round of sixteen. But he's stronger now. He doesn't dwell on the result. Instead, he struggles with the unfamiliarity of his London hotel room. He misses SGP. He has been there long enough now that he knows the comfiest spot in his bed. He can navigate the room in the dark of night without stubbing a toe on his way to the bathroom. He knows how to set the shower dial for the perfect temperature. Here, the mattress is too hard, and the air conditioning is too strong. He's having to sleep with his hoodie on. The zip jabs uncomfortably into him when he rolls onto his side, not to mention cool against his skin but the soft navy fabric smells faintly of Beth's perfume leftover from the brief hug they shared after leaving the bus, so he keeps it on.

It's not only the room keeping him awake. It's Beth, and not just the fact he is unsettled by the fact he doesn't know where her room is in this hotel. At SGP, he has pre-planned a route to Beth's room in his head to make sure she was safely evacuated if ever there was a fire.

He mulls over the emotion of the last few weeks. His elation at Beth being with the team. The agony of learning she was engaged. The anger that followed, and the speed it melted away when he saw her hurting over Maxi. The hope he has that he can convince her to come back to him. It's been a lot. It's draining. He thinks that perhaps for once, Roberto was correct, Beth's presence is distracting. He decides that the Beth is right, the arguing has to stop. There will be time for difficult conversations later for now he has to focus on the tournament and making the most of every second with Beth.

*

John falls into a new routine. Focusing hard on training, then spending his free time during the day with his teammates when he knows Beth is working. But his evenings are dedicated almost solely to her, their yoga sessions are now a daily occurrence and are always followed by watching that night's film. Or at least attempting to. Mostly they chat, annoying everyone else in the process. The final group game sees another win. England make it through to the last sixteen and at the final whistle John isn't sure if he is happier about this or the fact, he doesn't yet have to say goodbye to Beth.

A week between matches makes for a lot of downtime, but a day off during a pandemic is very different from in 'normal' times and John finds himself bored. There's only so many rounds of golf/darts/pool you can play before it starts to feel repetitive. He shuts himself in his room to play Call of Duty, but he soon tires of that too; it's a beautiful day and he can practically hear his mum admonishing him as she did when he was a teenager, telling him to get outside and enjoy it. English summers can be fleeting, and he knows he needs to make the most of it.

He goes to find Beth. She did say she was 'busy' today, but he knows that she can usually be persuaded to abandon whatever she is doing in lieu of something more fun.

"Alright Dickhead?" Beth, alone in the office, jumps at the sound of John's greeting and snaps her laptop shut. "What you up to?" He's amused over the tinge of pink in Beth's cheeks as he sits himself down on her desk, ignoring the papers he crumbles underneath is peachy posterior. "If you're watching porn, it's safer to do that in your room. There's a lock on the door."

"Stop it," Beth rolls her eyes. As if she would be watching porn in the office in the middle of the day. "Do you always have to lower the tone!?"

"Was it any good?! Can I see?!"

Beth can't help smiling at John's amusement. He's laughing at his own joke. The smile Beth has always adored playing on his lips. She lets her eyes linger on them and her mind starts to wander to how those lips feel against her skin when he laughs with them hovering millimetre aware, his warm breath giving her goose bumps and his scratchy stubble making her spine tingle in delight as he nudges his chin against her.