Never Really Over

Chapter 11

May 2015

"Do you think I can get away with this without a tie?" John asks hopefully as Beth opens the door to find him dressed in his shirt and suit trousers, his jacket on a hanger and a tie in his hand.

It's the End of Season Awards night, and just as John vowed he would a year ago, he has been named Everton's Young Player of the Year. He's proud of himself, it's been a tough season for the team as a whole, but a strong one for him individually. His family are thrilled for him, his mum cried when he told her, and he swears Jenny sounded a little choked up too, but his happiness has been tinged by Beth's muted reaction to his achievement. She text him saying 'congratulations', then the day after it was announced, he arrived at training to find a card in his locker from her, signed simply 'Love Beth x'. Beth loves cards, she keeps every one she ever receives and the ones she sends are carefully chosen with the recipient in mind and full of heartfelt messages written in her pretty script. This card, that is currently sitting on John's kitchen island, couldn't be more generic, it's just a bottle of champagne on the front and John knows absolutely zero thought went into its selection, and that hurts. But it's typical of how his and Beth's relationship has shifted since Kyiv. Nothing is the same anymore.

"No," Beth, as she tends to do these days, doesn't look at him. Instead, she walks to the full-length mirror in the living area where a selection of clutch bags lies on the floor and starts picking them up one by one and comparing the colour to her blue dress. She doesn't ask John his opinion, he notes that she would have before Kyiv.

"Your mum will kill you if you show up without a tie. Where's that tie clip she gave you?"

John sighs. He was hoping everyone would have forgotten about that. There was nothing that said 'you're an adult now' more than him receiving a bloody tie clip in his stocking last Christmas. But if Beth's remembered, his mum will have too. He fishes it out his pocket and tosses it onto the coffee table, he'll wear it, even if it makes him feel like a teacher, because he wants to make his mum happy.

John settles down on the sofa, knowing Beth will not be ready to leave for ages yet. It's been weeks since he's been in Beth's flat, she doesn't invite him over now. A few times he's popped upstairs to see her but each time it's been awkward, with Beth barely uttering a word, exactly like she's doing now. He got the message eventually and stopped coming. The only reason he's here now is Beth couldn't think up a reason why they shouldn't travel to the awards together quickly enough when he asked her if she wanted to go in his car.

"Make yourself at home, why don't you?!" Beth quips as she glances over her shoulder to see John lain flat out on her sofa as though he lives there. It is a rare moment of normality for them where one will tease the other as though Kyiv never happened. It hasn't happened much since March, largely because Beth now avoids John like he has the plague.

"Maxi, come here mate!" John calls out and the sound of his voice has Beth's grey cat rushing from whether he was napping to climb onto John's chest.

"You're gonna get cat hair on your suit," Beth says disapprovingly as she watches Maxi settle down, kneading his front paws against John's new shirt as John tickles him under the chin.

"Missed you pal, how you been?!" John's face and words are full of affection as Maxi dozes off, his head resting in the crook of John's shoulders and his little body vibrating against John's chest as he purrs contently. Beth watches on longingly; she's been miserable since Kyiv. She's shut John out almost completely, she doesn't know if it's a self-preservation thing, or she's trying to hurt him like he hurt her, but whatever it is, she misses him.

Beth's whittled it down to between two different bags. "The gold one," she hadn't realised John was watching her, and the sound of his voice almost makes her jump. Beth's stubbornness has her dropping the gold clutch bag to the floor, she'll take the silver one, if only to spite John.