The Police Officer and The Addict // destiel AU

Chapter Twelve.

I take a deep breath in and blow it out of my nose, preparing myself. I've never told anyone about this part of my past.

"When I was younger, maybe twentyish, I had a girlfriend who was... intense." I start, wincing at the thought of her. I grip the steering wheel harder and continue. "We were dating for almost two years. I thought she was my endgame. We were in love. But what I didn't see at the time was how badly she was manipulating me. She'd gaslight me into thinking I was a bad boyfriend so I'd try to 'make it up to her.' It was almost always sexual favors. In public, at home, anytime. Even if I didn't want to do it. She pressured me into a whole lot of messed up shit, and eventually, Sam made me realize what she was doing. I was broken up about it. I thought we were in love, but she just wanted to fuck me or make me get her stuff. When I tried to break it off with her the first time, she beat me until I was in a four day long coma. When I woke up in the hospital, she was by my side, telling me that I got into a fight at the bar. I knew what really happened, but nobody would believe me, so they let me go home with her when it was time to leave for recovery. I tried to get out. For another whole year I was going through rehab from the coma and a car accident I got into later, and I started to do drugs. One day, Sam came over and saw my bruises. He took me out for dinner and told me that I could tell him anything, so I did. I confided in him and he saw how badly I was hurting. He helped me get out of the abusive relationship, but I continued the drugs. I didn't become addicted, though, until five years ago. At some point, it became less of me mourning her, our relationship, and more of me just trying to escape the real world." I say, tears rolling down my face. "You and Sam are the only ones who know that about my ex and I's relationship." I say, making sure that he knows how important it is to me for him to keep that quiet.

"Dean, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to mention it, but that scar on your arm... Is that?" Cas starts.

"Yes, she'd do that when I didn't want to have sex. There's a lot more, but most are on my thighs." I say, sniffling. That was such an awful time in my life, I can't believe I just told him all that.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that." Cas says, unbuckling his seatbelt and scooting closer to me. He wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. I hug back with one arm, keeping one on the wheel.

"It's been a while... It's okay. I've recovered mentally, but I haven't really had a boyfriend or girlfriend since other than my ex boyfriend who I told you about." I admit, him looking into my eyes.

"Really? How long ago was this?" Cas asks me, I avoid eye contact with him and look back at the road.

"About four years. I guess I just haven't found the right person... I think I might be scared that they'll do the same to me as she did." I admit, tears rolling down my face again. "I wish I could allow myself to be in a normal relationship, but it's so hard to trust anyone now." I let out my feelings to him. I never do that with anyone. Not even family.

"I understand that it's hard to trust, but when you find someone who makes you happy and treats you right, you shouldn't worry about the 'what ifs' of the relationship." Cas says, still hugging me tightly. I realize how close to me he is and I blush. I really like this side of Cas.

"Yeah, hopefully I will." I say, him not realizing that I'm hoping I'll do that with him.

Within a few minutes of our conversation, he's asleep, still hugging me, but not tight anymore. He looks adorable like this. I snap a picture of him, pulling my eyes from the road for a second. I smile at the picture and look back up to see a semi truck making a U-Turn across the median on the damn highway. I slam on the breaks and lay on the horn, yelling as if they can hear me. Cas jumps awake, pulling out his gun and I explain, "Sorry, stupid ass people." I press his gun down as I flip the dude off.

Once the truck is out of the way, I press the gas again, looking over to Cas. "Is that your first reaction when something scares you? Pull out your gun?" I ask, I kind of like it. He's protective.

"Pretty much. I wasn't always strong, so I learned the hard way to defend myself. Now, I have the gun and it's easy. Makes me feel like I'm doing something right by younger me." Cas explains, laying back down. He's all scrunched up in a ball and looks uncomfortable.

I move my right hand to the back of the seat and motion for him to move over here. He hesitates, so I pull his shoulders so he'll lay down. He smiles and gets comfortable, leaning on my side, legs propped up on his window.

"You know, for a cop, you don't wear your seatbelt much." I say, smiling as my fingers cart through his hair absentmindedly.

"I never liked the traffic cop aspect of the job." Cas smiles, slowly drifting off to sleep again against me. Once he's out, I turn up the music and change to a different playlist on my old spotify called "Under the Moon," which basically has all of my guilty pleasure songs on it.

This is pretty much how the rest of the drive goes, Cas falling asleep and waking up every little bit. I tried to ask him why he couldn't sleep for long, but he fell asleep again and didn't hear me. When we arrived at the hotel, I was so tired. I woke up Cas and we got our stuff out of his car. He thanked me for driving the rest of the way and I told him it was no problem even though I am so tired it's unbelievable 

When I hit the hotel bed, I was out immediately, not noticing anything about the room.