To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

In the Shadows of Doubt (reg pov)

I clenched my jaw "Barty. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"ew gross reg." Evan cuts in finally getting it and shooting up and now sitting on his bed fully awake.

"I don't know what any of you are talking about, OK?"

"I mean, it's not like he's bad looking or anything, but like, you could do so much better."

Evan cut in again as Dorcas and Pandora stared at each other "I mean, it was obvious that he Fancied him though."

"That is true. Baby Black is very poor at hiding his feelings." Barty retorted

"See what?" I asked getting ready to punch one of them.

But then Barty smiling and laughing he said, "You my dear Reggie, Are head over toes For Potter."

"Again, I don't know, what you are talking about."

Evan smiled "Oh, stop, Reggie. You've been denying it for months now. Just accept it. You already snoged the poor bloke."

"I did not."

"Please Spare us up your pathetic excuse for lies, Reg. Come on, we want to hear all about it." Barty said discarding his magazine.

"You know, why are you guys even still up? I'm clearly not dead, so we should just go to bed."

"Aww he's embarrassed." Dorcas cut in with her I'm supper fucking pissed at you tone as she slings her arm over her back of her chair looking at me grimacing.

"I'm not."

"Oh, it's so cute." Evan said.

"Shut up."

"Oh, come on, admit it. You love him." Barty stretched the o of love in a rather annoying manor.

"Reggie and Potter sitting in a tree-" I threw a pillow over at Barty, hitting them in the face. He threw it off, taking it himself and hitting me across the chest. After a few minutes of feebly hitting each other with bedding, and the rest of the room burst out laughing as Evan hit us both with two other pillows. Soon after, Pandora joined in. And then after that, Dorcas fell victim to all four of us. A pathetic, childish act. But I will admit it was quite fun. And got in the shut up, which is always a plus.

"OK, stop it. Stop it. All of you." Dorcas said laughing as she was being smothered by Evan's pillow. None of us settled down until well past 4:00 AM.

The next day went as any day did. Pandora and I studied in the library but got distracted by an odd piece of information and then spent the next 4 hours researching it. Barty and I dueled during our shared free period. Evan and Dorcas helped me curse a group of Ravenclaws –including Lovegood- because they were saying shit about me. Just past curfew I snuck off to hide again, they all made fun of me on my way out, but I couldn't find it I myself to care.

I decided to hide in the library and when I weighed, I pulled outer copy of Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut a Muggle sci-fi book. No less than 10 munities I was there James potter showed up with a dopy smile and flower, a sunflower because of course it would be a sunflower.

"Hey." he said leaning over and giving me a quick kiss. "Hey." I responded fighting off a smile because he did find me, as if he wouldn't. The night when as it did the night before; talking, kissing, stupid James potter smiles and raging butterflies in my stomach. Then I dragged him to his common room, and he asked again "so, have I convinced you yet?" and I smirked as I said, "not yet."

The same thing happened the next day and the next but always in a different spot.

Every night we met the voices in my head quieted for just a moment but then the second he left they would come back howling with anger. You pathetic week second my mother called me a million times. He doesn't love you, Bella sneered. Who could ever love you? Lucius asked I could picture his face in my head asking me the question. Words digging into my skin. Carving Deep breaking skin and bone. It was only moments when I'm alone these thoughts seemed to resurface my mind, killing me, digging every single happy part of myself out. But then I'd come into the dorm room, sometimes finding Barty or Evan awake. They let me just talk for a while, and the voices seemed to quiet at that. The moments I spent with James; the voices went away entirely. But they always seem to resurface the moment I was left alone.