Broken

Chapter 50

"Are you alright?" Brianna asked, "You seem a bit sad."

"Not sad, just..." Thea sighed and glanced at Killian who walked with his dad, "I didn't know the sermon could affect me that much."

"Scriptures have a way of finding you when you need it the most."

Thea looked at her,
"What does that mean?"

"Well, when I'm going through a period in my life, especially difficult times, bible scriptures that I've read countless times before reveal a different meaning I never thought of before which somehow is an answer to what I'm going through."

"Oh,"

"Yea, oh." Brianna said, "God has different ways of reaching out to us, He wants us to know that He sees us, He loves us and He'll always and will always be there for us no matter what."

"But how could he love me when he doesn't know me."

Brianna chuckled lightly as she brought them to a stop,
"Just because you don't know God doesn't mean He doesn't know you."

Brianna turned and headed to the car and Thea followed more curious about this God that Brianna spoke about. There was someone out there who knew her and loved her so much that He would leave those who knew Him to go in search of those who didn't.

Now that was someone she wanted to know and have in her life.

****

Makenna lifted her gaze from the book she was reading to the waves that crashed at the shoreline. The sound and the breeze washed over her like a warm thick sweater on a cold winter night.

Last night, Atlas had taken her completely by surprise. She had thought about that moment more than she cared to in the hours that followed till this moment. She'd been surprised at how it had taken her longer than she liked before she pushed him away.

At least she had, but it was the time it took her to react that bothered her. She could've done it sooner but she hadn't and that ate at her. She had started to panic by the time she shoved at his chest, pushing him away from her. She had been too shaken to look at him as she walked away. There was something about his touch that had gotten to her. The first time he'd touched her, she'd been too stunned and mad at him to even acknowledge his hands on her. But last night, she had been stunned for another reason.

His touch hadn't repulsed her.

She looked down at the book she was reading and pulled out the bookmark from between the previously read pages. She then stuck it between the pages she'd just stopped reading and closed the book. It was one of Jane Austen's classics, something she'd read and enjoyed countless times before everything that happened. Now, she barely read because it had gone from being something she loved to do and had turned into a guilty pleasure.

After Rachel died a lot of things changed. Not only did she change her college location but also her major from English Literature to what she was doing now. If Rachel couldn't do everything she'd planned to do, neither could she. Although, she'd come a long way after the accident from not reading at all to reading one book in the span of a month. Even if it was something that would take her a day to finish.

The girl she had become wouldn't be caught dead reading the type of books she used to read in public. So, she mostly read when she was alone, mostly when she came here. Needless to say, no one knew about it except her family. That day when she'd picked herself up to make the necessary changes like changing her college location from Seattle to Tacoma and switching majors had been momentous for her family. A few months after the accident, she'd also cleaned out her room. She'd cleared her bookshelf, surprising her mum but at the same time scaring her.

Books were her life. Books had made her interested in writing and had made her pursue a career in it, but not anymore. If Rachel couldn't have her dreams, she didn't want hers. She had taken the advice Rachel's mum had given her when she told her to live her life.

She was.

She was living her life for Rachel.

Makenna's hand lifted and went behind her left ear unconsciously, where she knew the small tattoo was. She traced the spot with her fingertip.

It was a triangle which represented fire.

Makenna had gotten the tattoo in her first year. It had been the first thing she did that was completely unlike her. Her parents had been vocal about their dislike for tattoos and Makenna had grown to share that same dislike. So, getting the tattoo wasn't like her at all, but it had been the first step to becoming the person she was now. A stronger version of the broken shell of a girl she had been.

Or at least she thought so.

She'd ignored most of the pain and hurt that ran deep within her for so long. Ignoring them was what she knew how to do best, and she thought that was her best chance at getting past it all. The few things she'd tried to deal with like getting back to reading and reapplying to college the year after were the only things she'd dealt with. Although she still had guilt trips once every now and then. Over the years, she'd gotten so good at capturing her thoughts before they festered in her mind. Before they grew deep within her until she found a way to let them out in form of violence. Not only had she shifted that rage and energy to self-defence, but she'd been able to get rid of the negative thoughts that she knew would lead her down the rabbit hole.

She'd been in that hole for six months and in the year that followed, she'd struggled to push her way out of it.

Thinking about her past struggle made her think of Atlas and wonder what his was. It was obvious his relationship with his parents was lacking. A whole lot.

Makenna couldn't imagine her parents not caring about her or loving her the way they do. The thought of them not even caring enough to know what goes on in her life sent a twinge of pain straight to her heart, it almost made her wince.

Were Atlas' parents the only reason he was broken? Or was there something else?
She thought.

Her life had changed with one event.
She wondered if there was a similar moment that had changed Atlas' life. And if so, what was it?

"No." Makenna breathed out as her eyes closed, "Don't even think about it."

She took a few deep breaths before she opened her eyes. She wasn't going to get involved in his problems, or lack thereof.

Her curiosity was growing by the day and the more it grew, the harder it became for her to shut it down. She hadn't been this curious about anything or anyone in a while. A long while.

Atlas intrigued her.

She wanted desperately to find out just how broken he was to simply sate her curiosity. But finding out about his brokenness would only bring up her own and she didn't want to go through that again. She'd dealt with it and it was in the past.

That was what was keeping her strong and she hoped she could hold on until he was done and gone so she could get back to her normal. Her normal where nothing was interesting, and she didn't feel like she could lose control of her thoughts or actions. Nothing that might send her spiralling.

That was good.

She could handle simple, plain and uninteresting. Everything Atlas was not.

He'll be gone soon
She told herself.

He will.