Atlas gave up trying to fill the hollowness and simply enjoyed the view. He let himself be present in that moment, his thoughts and memories ceased to exist for just that moment. Feeling the weight of the world lift from his shoulders, he felt lighter in that moment of pretence.
At least, Atlas knew when he was pretending that everything was ok. Makenna was so far gone that she had no idea the life she was living was her pretending to be someone she wasn't, most of the time. The other few times, when she wasn't pretending, she barely allowed herself to indulge in the things that she wanted to. Holding back and feeling guilty for allowing herself moments like those, like the Sundays away.
The first year she started making that her Sunday ritual, she harboured a pang of guilt for letting herself those moments of peace and quiet, but as time passed and years went by, she had been able to get past the guilt and allow herself to embrace those moments.
She remembered going through all the emotions like it was just yesterday. After the first Sunday away, she went back to her dorm wracked with guilt, wondering why she'd gone there in the first place, thinking she had no right to have a moment of peace when her best friend was gone.
So many times, she'd wondered why Rachel, why not her? She'd asked God that question so many times after the accident, that she lost count after the first month in her self-imposed isolation.
She thought, if Rachel couldn't be there to enjoy those moments, she had no right to enjoy them either.
She went through the feelings for over three months, her brain and her heart in a constant battle about why she went there in the first place and the latter feeling like she had the right to a few moments of peace after everything she'd been through. By the end of the fourth month, her feelings were pent up so much so that she felt full up to her throat. She'd gone back there the following Sunday and wasted no time taking her shoes off and walking right to the shoreline, she fell to her knees and let out all of that emotion in form of tears. She bawled right there, not bothering to check if anyone else was present before she let herself go like that.
Makenna sighed thinking about that moment which prompted Vanessa to look up from what she was reading.
They'd come to the library after class to get started on a new assignment due the following day. The crazy professor.
"Are you ok?" Vanessa asked,
Makenna looked up to meet her gaze and nodded in confusion,
"Yea."
"You sighed and it sounded really ominous."
"Oh," Makenna hadn't meant to externalize what was going through her mind, "No, I'm ok."
Vanessa waited as she kept her gaze on Makenna. She'd known Makenna for a few years and still, Makenna never voiced any of her problems. Vanessa on the other hand, even though she was slow to trust people, she'd told Makenna literally almost everything about herself and her family over the past few years.
"You're never going to trust me, are you?"
Makenna, who had gone back to read what she was reading, lifted her gaze to meet Vanessa's.
"What do you mean?"
"You never talk about anything other than college related stuff."
Makenna shrugged,
"There's nothing to tell."
"Mac, we've known each other for three years and you know a lot about me. I feel like a bad friend for knowing nothing about you other than the friends you hang out with. And that's just because I saw you guys at Metro coffee a few times."
"I'm a...private person."
"Well, so am I."
Makenna opened her mouth and shut it when nothing came out,
"I don't know what to say."
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
Broken
रोमांस"There are a few moments in life that are perfect and surreal; like a beautiful dream you don't want to wake up from, but when you do, you can't seem to remember what it was about. Then there are the terrible moments, absolute nightmares that nothin...
