too close to the stars - H.J.P

Chapter Sixty Three

Noel and Harry were assigned to set up for dinner one evening. Noel had her hair tied up in a ribbon, it matched the red from the dress she was wearing. She tried very hard not to look at him but it felt like it was impossible not to. She wanted to talk to him and ask him her burning questions but how could she go from being with someone to pretending they were friends. Especially on the date that would've marked their first year together.

She wondered painfully if he knew what the date was.

She set the last plate down a bit forcefully, making him jump slightly and look at her. Noel placed both hands on the chair, bracing herself. She wanted to ask him how he was and she wanted to ask if he knew what he was doing and whether he missed her and so many things that she could've asked before but now everytime she looked at him all she could remember was the blazing determination in his face when he broke things off.

She said nothing, and he looked so hopeful for her to say anything.

"Were you planning on leaving me when you first learned about Voldemort? When Dumbledore told you about your mission?" She said instead, shocking herself a bit.

Harry was taken aback, "Of course I didn't. How could you ask me that?" He said a bit stung.

"I just don't understand the sudden urge to break things off when I knew everything from the get-go."

"That's exactly why I broke up with you. Because you know everything, what if they found out we were together? What then Noel?"

"I don't know!" She cried, frustratedly. "You didn't—" she took a deep breath in, "Why didn't you ask me to come with you? I could help."

Harry shook his head and continued to place the cutlery down, "I can't ask you to do that Noel," he sighed, and looked at her once more. "You love your family. You need your family. I don't know how long I'll be gone. C'mon El, you'd be miserable. You are not suited for the, 'I'm on an adventure and don't know whether I'll be eating mushrooms or berries tonight,' lifestyle."

Noel scoffed, thoroughly offended. She knew he was right so she said nothing in retaliation. "You knew you had to come to the Burrow, why didn't you wait a little longer?"

"I don't know, I felt like...I would be deceiving you. I knew from that day that things had to end and would you have preferred me being honest right then and there or having it in the back of my mind for weeks?"

Noel rubbed her nose and looked at the ceiling. "Do you know what today is?"

"..." Of course he knew what day it was, how could he not?

"It would've been a year. I would have preferred to be blissfully and stupidly in love with you than be here right now and feel like I can't tell you anything anymore."

"You can tell me anything Noel, you know that. It just won't be your boyfriend you're telling rather than your friend."

She gave a small laugh of disbelief and wiped the tears that had fallen, "I can't be your friend, I don't want to be your friend. I was happy, the world around me was falling apart, but I had the comfort in knowing that it would fall apart while we were together. Now it's crumbling to pieces and you've decided to leave me. I don't know who I am or what to do with myself! I'm being completely left in the dark."

Harry walked over and wrapped his arms around her. She fell apart right there. He planted gentle kisses on her forehead, and cheeks and anywhere he could reach to calm her down.

"It's okay... you're going to be okay..." He murmured softly. Noel shook her head, "I don't want you to leave."

"I know, I know, love."