desire | liskook

14

Lisa
I couldn't control my tears, they flowed down uninterruptedly, I bet I could bath in it.

Why exactly was I crying? Could it be the fact that for a brief moment there I completely surrendered my body to a man who wasn't mine and might never be mine, or could it be that at the end of everything that just happened, I'm the one who got the short end of the stick?

I tried to stop myself from crying, but I couldn't. I was beginning to look pathetic, at least that's what my mother would have said.

My eyes and head were hurting, and so was my heart. Tonight, without a push or any physical pressure, my heart was totally shattered.

I felt empty and cold like I was standing on ice, nothing had changed.

I thought maybe, just maybe something physical could just be a stepping stone in our relationship, but I was wrong.

I would never get anything out of these marriage, he said it himself, but I thought I could get things done my own way.

I was treated worse than trash tonight and it doesn't feel nice. I haven't felt this worthless before, and it feels so dry.

I gathered my strength and walked over to the couch where I laid curled up in a ball.

I needed a safe place, somewhere that was not my current reality but for how long?

I was sad but above all I was pissed, the way he treated me tonight was unsettling and I was done with it.

The reason why I can't be where he is, may be because I'm so timid, I know these well. And with such attitude I know I'll never find a place in his life for myself, so maybe it's time to stop.

But deep down I knew that once the sun rises tomorrow, I'll go back to my default setting, so why bother?

That realization alone made me understand just how much my mother was right about me all these years, so I just cried away my frustration. I must have cried myself to sleep because I didn't hear him come out of the bathroom.

It was 2:25am in the morning and I was jerked awake by some unsettling hands.

When I opened my eyes, they searched the room and landed on Jungkook's face.

He looked perplexed, what was wrong with him? I wondered. Did he have a bad dream or something?

It took just a split second for the pain to hit, then I realized that the look on his face was actually that of pure worry.

I have never seen him this way before now, hell, I thought nothing fazes him. Was he really concerned about me or was this just him pretending again, so I'll let my guide down?

I removed his hands from my shoulders and attempted to sit upright when the pain hit me again and I cringed in pure agony.

He held me close and helped me to sit upright steadily, but once again I shrugged his hands away from where they rested on my shoulders.

I bit my lower lips and pinned my nail into the couch to help stop me from groaning in pain.

I must have unintentionally woken up 'His Royal Highness' with my groaning while I was asleep.

I was about to tell him that I was sorry for waking him up and that he should go back to sleep, but was interrupted before I could form the words in between another horrible cramp.

"What's wrong? Is your stomach hurting...what should I do? Should I call for an ambulance, or maybe I should take you to the hospital myself? Are you in so much pain? I think you might be running a temperature, so let's just go to the hospital okay? I'll take you there." he inquired and suggested all at the same time.