desire | liskook

40 - Final

Jisoo
Six months ago, the closest person I had to a sister slipped into coma, and ever since nothing have been the same for us, for her family.

In those months, I watched Jungkook slowly fall into depression and sadness, almost so I feared that if Lisa never wakes up, neither would he.

So, I prayed for a miracle, anything to help boost his morale once against while we patiently wait for Lisa’s recovery. 

Thankfully, my prayers were answered. A month ago, his kids were delivered and that sparked up something in his soul again.

Even though he's not as cheerful nor happy as he was when Lisa was around, the arrival of his babies made him start opening up about his fears and challenges again.

He makes a wonderful father. Maybe it's fear of not wanting his little ones to ever feel like he did with his father while growing up, or maybe it's fear of explaining to them what happened to Lisa on his watch. But Jungkook is putting in everything he has to care for his kids.

He wouldn't even name them yet, he's so hopeful Lisa would wake anytime soon.

But there's only so much he can do for a long period of time. He'll eventually breakdown if he doesn't start considering other options to effectively care for his children.

Maybe I think this way because I'm faithless or hopeless, or maybe my faith was broken the day I saw a girl with a good heart end up losing a fight that was between forces of good and evil. Like what's the point in being good if there are no good rewards for it.

Something broke in me when the doctor announced that Lisa had slipped into coma. I wanted to understand how something bad could happen to a person who has been fighting for good all her life.

Why did her suffering continue? Why didn't it end with Anna's death? What is the point of being good if it means you still lose? I questioned ever since.

I know Jungkook blames himself for what happened but in actuality, it really was my fault. If I hadn't thrown that party, Jungkook would have probably gone to meet Lisa first as soon as he arrived from Denver.

Anna would never have had the opportunity to hurt either she nor her mother. It was hard for me to look Lisa in the face, let alone hold her babies in my arms because of the guilt I feel.

I can't really tell Jungkook how I've been feeling, I need to be strong for him. I'm so lucky to have met someone like Seokjin in this lifetime. He knew something was up with me, so he asked me and I told him. He has been helping me manage my emotions ever since.

Six months ago on my birthday, he said he had something to tell me after the party, but that night didn't end as we had hoped it would. And now, no matter how much I press him to tell me what he wanted to tell me that night, he would always say he'll tell me when the time was right.

Solbin, Seokjin's younger sister, said he was going to propose to me that night, but I'm sure that's just her own opinion.

I miss Taehyung terribly, but he also has his own demons to slay, since Shanghai Group went global three months ago.

He has been super busy ever since and four months ago, Jennie returned to Shanghai. He said she told him that she enjoyed Canada, but Canada doesn't have him.

She also said that the new destination she'd like to explore is Jeon Taehyung, but she still wants to stay a period of that one year before they start talking about marriage. Honestly, I really like her for Taehyung. She's bold and very protective of him, just like me.

I'm grateful that a miracle happened for Jungkook even though I'm too much of a coward to pray for a miracle for myself. But I really wish Lisa would wake up, everyone wants that.