desire | liskook

27

Seoul, Korea (Present day)

Jungkook
I held my face in both palms from exhaustion, I haven't been able to get any sleep or food for the past 20 hours.

I'm so stressed out with worry and anxiety, I fear I could fall sick at any moment. I still haven't been able to understand what had happened.

I stared at Lisa lying on the hospital bed immobile, with needles and oxygen tubes attached to her body and nose. Her left wrist where she had cut in an attempt to kill herself was bandaged neatly.

No matter how hard I tried to stop the images flooding into my mind each time I shut my eyes, I just can't.

The image of Lisa lying in the bathtub, lifeless with blood everywhere kept replaying in my head and so were the sore emotions I had felt at that moment.

What was her reason?

What could have gone so wrong that she wanted to leave everything like that— to leave me? Am I that unlovable? First it was Anna, and now Lisa?

I thought she and I were in a good place, until five days ago after Cyrene's surgery had gone wrong, putting her in a comatose.

That Saturday night and Sunday we had spent together two weeks ago— making love and never wanting to leave each other's side, felt like heaven to me but now it was feeling more like a dream.

I finally told her about her mother's illness.

"What's on your mind?" she asked with a smile.

We were snuggled up in the bed, both naked with just the blankets covering our waists and legs.

I didn't know if I should have told her about Cyrene on our date yesterday, or I should tell her sometime today because, she looked so happy— I didn't think there was ever going to be a good time to tell her her mother was dying.

But it's been distracting me and I needed to get it off my chest.

"C'mon Jungkook, you can tell me..." she insisted after I gave her a weak smile.

"It's about your mother," I started, but her smile became even broader.

"Well, that's a surprise. And to think that we've been having sex all morning while you're busy thinking about my mother," she joked, pinching my side playfully.

I gave her a disgusted look and pulled her back to my chest keeping her steady.

"My love, this is serious." I cautioned, while she looked up at me.

Her smile quickly faded away, as she nodded for me to continue.

"Your mother...has a rare heart disease, and needs to undergo surgery as soon as possible." I blurted sadly.

I could see how surprised and confused her face turned, wondering how I came to know about this.

I continued, "When she was rushed to the hospital few days ago, I dismissed every other doubt when the doctor said she had fainted due to stress and fatigue. But, I ran into a college friend the other day and we had drinks together. Turns out his girlfriend is a resident doctor at the hospital and she told him that your mother was suffering from a heart condition."

She didn't want to believe it and I could see she was doubting what I had just told her.

So I included, "I had to go check for myself and I confirmed it. She asked the doctor in charge that day to keep the truth away from us. Lisa, I don't know why she doesn't say anything to us or why she is refusing to undergo surgery. But if she is scared that there's no one to handle her company while she'll be at the hospital, then you need to convince her to go ahead with the surgery because she doesn't have much time if she keeps neglecting her health."