ceaseless// 5SOS

30

Gabi

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you, I hope my sunshine feels better again
I'll always love you, and make you happy, and you do the same for me.
I love your cuddles, and your kisses, I hope my sunshine feels better soon,"

"They're not the words,"

"They're my words,"

"You always said that," I mumbled.

"Mine are better, they're more personal,"

"You're just singing it because you made me mad,"

"Yes. And the fact its 7am and you've not slept at all,"

"I'm too worried for later,"

"So much anxiety that you don't sleep isn't good baby,"

"I can't control it,"

"Shuffle up, let me lay beside you. I'm tired too,"

I let him lay next to me on the bed and rested in his side, trying to find some sort of comfort. After yesterday I was convinced he hated me, and honestly I was kinda pissed. There was no one else I wanted with me when I was sick, but yesterday I felt like he had put mum above me a bit, and that stabbed me in the heart a little.

In that moment I didn't feel precious, I felt like a nuisance.

"You made me feel like shit yesterday,"

It was silent for a minute or two, then he sighed and held me tightly, so our cheeks were pressed together. I moved, since he was starting to grow stubble again, but he took it differently and let go of me entirely.

"I'm sorry,"

"It felt like you put Sierra above me,"

"I was trying to please both of you,"

"She said she was fine,"

"I am sorry," he repeated, a bit more desperately, "Please Gabi,"

"I just need you to know you made me feel like shit,"

I shuffled down a bit so I could lay back with my head in his chest and he hugged me tightly. He didn't smell like normal, or look like normal, though arguably his tired eyes were the new normal.
We didn't feel like normal. Nothing felt like normal since mum. I appreciated her a lot, but it was a lot harder to balance three of us instead of two.

"We'll have an early night tonight,"

"I'll sleep when my body can sleep,"

"I think you need to sleep right now,"

"Can you see if uncle Ashton is free?"

"He's working. I'm here,"

"He can get me to sleep,"

"I can get you to sleep,"

"You can't right now,"

"Gabriella I am sorry, what I said isn't how I meant it to come out, I thought we couldn't kick Sierra out her own home and that you would prefer two parents,"

"I made it pretty clear,"

"I know and I am sorry. I'm not used to all these changes, I used to know you perfectly,"

"I made it pretty clear,"

"I am sorry,"

"You always say you're sorry and things never change. Are they gonna change?"

"We'll do our plan,"

"For more than one week?"

"Yes. I promise,"