ceaseless// 5SOS

11

Gabi

"Good morning,"

"Why are you up?" mum asked, "Have you slept?"

"I fell asleep at like 7,"

"Oh wow, you have slept. How are you feeling?"

"Shit,"

"Yeah... it's not great to fall asleep on a bad note. Your dad isn't mad at you,"

"How do you know?" I asked, watching her reach into the cupboard for cereal.

"He was very distraught, but not mad,"

"Why?"

"He got freaked out yesterday, that's all. You should go and take him coffee and talk before he gets ready,"

"I'm not taking him coffee,"

"At least go and talk,"

"He upset me,"

"I know, which is why you need to talk,"

"He shouted at me,"

"Go and talk to him," she repeated.

"You don't get to tell me what to do you're not my real parent,"

"I'm not, you're right. Feel free to have your dad mad at you all day,"

I scraped my chair back and stomped back upstairs, climbing back into bed with Maddox. Even though I chose to cry into the pillow, she still woke up, and immediately started comforting me.

"What's wrong?"

"Sierra and dad hate me,"

"I'm sure they don't hate you... I think there's been some miscommunication. Why were you and your dad arguing?"

"He's mad at me because I said I was gonna die before him. I am mad at him for a long list of reasons and he doesn't even know it,"

"So he's probably confused,"

"He should know it!"

"He doesn't though,"

"I hate this house,"

"I know,"

"I hate it so much,"

She shushed me and wiped the tears off my cheeks, but I was filled with rage. Since we moved here I hadn't been able to experience my emotions, and with Maddox I felt safe enough to feel absolutely everything I felt.

And I really felt my frustration. There was too much frustration.

I sat up and started to sob, then pushed the contents of my bedside table onto the floor, Mads catching the lamp before it smashed.

"Nothing glass okay?"

"I don't care,"

"I care," she said, watching me start to throw the contents of my dressing table on the floor, "Gabi, you're just gonna have to clean this up, come on, let's cuddle it out,"

"This hurts too much for a cuddle," I cried, "Everyone hates me, and I hate the house, and I hate the hospital,"

She passed me a tissue to wipe my nose, then I threw a framed photo of me, dad and mum on the floor, along with the box of memorabilia from some of the day trips we had.

"Gabi what on Earth is going on?"

"She's going through it,"

"Maddox please wait downstairs for a few minutes," dad said, "Thank you,"