ceaseless// 5SOS

5

Gabi

"I wish Petunia could come with me tomorrow so I had someone to sit with,"

"You will be fine," dad said.

"No cos everyone is gonna know everyone already,"

"There is going to be plenty of opportunity to talk to people,"

"Maybe it's changed though, you're old now, and you had your friends,"

"I'm not old. You just need to talk to everyone,"

"I can't,"

"Everyone is going to be feeling the same, so everyone will be glad you have started a conversation with them,"

"Well I feel a bit sick about it all,"

"That's expected," he said, kissing the top of my head, "I promise you will be okay. Even if it takes some time to properly meet your people,"

"How did you feel before starting?"

"I was anxious too. I didn't feel smart enough, it is overwhelming! But once you get in the swing of it, it's very fun,"

"Okay,"

I felt a bit better knowing dad felt that way too. He was fine now- he finished med school when he had a baby. Surely I could do that too.

"You can talk to me about that though, if you do feel that way for a bit. You don't have to try and impress me with being some perfect student, I know you think I have high expectations,"

"You do,"

"I am here to help you, and talk to. I could've done with an adult there to talk to, no ones better than your old dad,"

"Thought you weren't old," I mumbled, gently rubbing Petunia's tummy when she rolled over.

I couldn't argue with dad though, he really had been with me through thick and thin. Without us being so close, I'd be so lost. He definitely taught me my worth, and kept my standards high, which is probably why Maddox fit in with us so well.

We'd had the best summer ever. Once I felt well enough, we started hanging out round town, driving to beaches, and I even went on holiday with her parents to a holiday home (a rather large holiday home as they somehow owned even more horses). It had not been an intense summer, but it had been a happy summer. One of the happiest I'd had in a while.

Now all my friends had gone. Now we had a new house and new neighbours, and I was starting a new course. Everything had hit me like a truck.

"Is there anything else bothering you? You just seem really down all of a sudden and I don't want you to feel like you're alone,"

"I'm fine,"

"Shall we pick your outfit for tomorrow?"

"Mum is picking my outfit,"

"That's an even better idea,"

"When is she gonna be back?"

"Probably soon, I'll go and help her unpack while you keep Petunia loved and happy,"

"She missed me the most,"

"I am sure she did,"

We heard the front door open, so dad took it as his cue to leave, and Petunia took his spot, laying by my face to lick it.

"You were totally just waiting for dad to leave so you could cuddle me," I giggled, "I'm gonna nap now, please don't snore in my face,

She licked my cheek, then rolled over to face the door, her back on mine.
She was a clever dog.

I wasn't sure if she had left on her own, or whether mum had told her to leave so that I didn't get in trouble, but she was gone when mum woke me up.

She hadn't quite mastered doing it without making me jump, so I flinched and she jumped back, but then she came back over and ruffled my hair.

"Wanna make cookies?"

"Yeah,"

"Your dad made a pretty bombass chicken salad for lunch, there's some saved for you. I'll get the ingredients out while you eat,"

I sat up and blinked rapidly, seeing stars for a moment, before slowly standing up.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Just a bit dizzy,"

She looped her arm round mine and took me downstairs, then gave me some water and dished up some salad. Dad came through and put his coffee down next to me, then pulled my hair behind my shoulders and started braiding it messily as I ate, restarting everytime he finished. Then, he kissed the top of my head and picked his coffee up after I had eaten.

Someone was getting sad his kid officially started university tomorrow.

"Thank you for unpacking the other bits," mum said cheerfully.

"Dad said if we unpacked we got to get Petunia,"

"Sounds like a fair deal,"

"Mum, were you anxious too before med school?"

"Trust me, everyone is,"

"Okay,"

"You can take a cookie in your lunch,"

"I finish at 12,"

"Well then you can come home and have several cookies,"

"Keep me updated on what you do, I will have my phone on me. Feel free to get the bus to hospital and I'll grab lunch with you," dad said, "Take a key too,"

"I will,"

Mum passed me the ingredients and we started weighing them all, and mixing it up. We filled two trays, and put one in each oven, which started to fill the kitchen with a sweet smell.

We cleaned up while they baked, then sat together at the kitchen island, mum letting me lean into her side. At times I was starting to forget she was still kind of a new person, and it felt like I'd known her forever. This was one of those times. There was something so comforting about baking with her, and making the kitchen smell a bit like a home.

Even though I was anxious, I could appreciate her company.
I'd always want dad, but mum was definitely now a close second.