ceaseless// 5SOS

13

Luke

For a while, it was silent as we painted, and I could see Gabi was definitely concentrating hard on making it perfect for Calum.

I didn't mind- as long as she was out here with me instead of shut in her room, I was okay with it.

You could see she'd been shut away in her room for a while, and I could tell she was starting to get to a point where she didn't care about looking after herself, and that's when I had to step in. She couldn't afford to not look after herself.

It really sucked. She wanted to be independent, I wanted her to be independent because she wanted to be independent- it just wasn't possible for her to leave home and do things on her own yet. I would've loved more than anything for her to move to uni, as much as I would've hated letting my little girl go. I really hoped she didn't think I was holding her back for no reason, I just dreaded to think about what state she would be in right now if I wasn't here.

This part of her growing up was going to be the hardest for me.

"Is Maddox still allowed over sometimes?"

"She is always allowed over,"

"She told me she isn't enjoying uni and she doesn't know how to cook much,"

"That's no good, I will teach her to cook, unless her parents want to do that,"

"They're not really the cooking type are they? They're more... have a cook,"

"I suppose so, why didn't they just get her catered?"

"The rooms were all gone,"

"Ah right... how are things going with you two?"

"Good,"

"I am glad,"

"She's the only thing in my life thats always normal,"

"Maybe you two should do something nice, like go on a date,"

"We don't go on dates, we just hang out and- we just hang out,"

"Wouldn't it be nice to both get dressed up and have a fancy meal?"

"I guess,"

Personally, I really wanted to see her get dressed up and actually feel good about herself, so I would be willing to pay for anything at this point. If Maddox was who made her feel safe and happy right now then it was my duty to help her get that feeling as much as possible, even though I wished I could be that person.
Maybe I was as well- I hoped.

"I am a bit nervous to go to uni again tomorrow,"

"You are gonna do great, angel,"

"It's my tutor so there's only like, 10 of us,"

"They'll probably do some ice breakers then! Maybe you can go round to Maddox's flat for a night and meet them as well, it might help her settle in a bit,"

"Am I allowed?" 

"Yes, as long as you keep me updated,"

"Maybe I'll go at the weekend, we can make her some food to freeze,"

"That sounds like a good plan. What shall we make her?"

"I don't know... can you just do it?"

"I can, but it would be nice if you could help,"

"I'm too tired,"

"We aren't making it today," I laughed, "I think you'll be able to help,"

"No,"

"Okay then,"

"I'm sorry," she sighed, putting her brush down, "I'm sorry,"

"What's up princess?"

"I miss our old home," she said, her cheeks flushing red, "So much. Kiera ruined everything. She ruined my life,"

"I miss our old home too. We had a lot of fun there, and at lot of memories... it will always be special to us, but we will make more memories here. Good memories, where you're not sick,"

"I don't like leaving everything behind,"

"It's gonna take a while to get used to it,"

"I'm trying to be nice and happy,"

"I know, but it's not been working for you so instead of pretending, we need to make it so you actually feel happy,"

"Yeah,"

"Why don't we see who's free for board games later?"

"Yes please, I can give Calum my painting,"

"You can... are you gonna be okay, darling? Will you keep talking to me and mum?"

"Yeah,"

"I love you, a lot. The most in the whole world,"

"I love you too,"

She walked round the table to me, sitting on my lap so she could wrap her arms round my neck. I cuddled her tightly, gently swaying us side to side as she started to cry again.

"It's gonna get easier, I promise sweetheart. I'll make sure it gets easier,"

"I hope,"

"You're so strong, I am super proud of you. Sorry we had a couple of days of conflict,"

"It's okay. I am sorry too,"

We were interrupted by a knock on the door, and I answered to a delivery guy with a couple of large boxes; it was for Sierra, so I simply left them in the hallway for her to do goodness knows what with.

We cleared up the painting and left ours to dry, then I made us both a salad for lunch, and we took it outside to eat so Petunia could have a run round.

"You're obsessed with making salads,"

"I'm telling you, when it gets hot outside all I wanna eat is a salad. And your mum bought a shit ton of it because she thinks im a bit more obsessed than I actually am, so I feel like I am up against the food going off,"

She grinned and shook her head, taking another mouthful of food.

"You're scared of her,"

"I am not,"

"Okay, maybe scared is the wrong word, but it does make me laugh,"

"I am glad I can make you laugh while I consume copious amounts of salad for your mum,"

"I'm helping,"

"I guess you are,"

"Why don't you just let Petunia have a bag of it?"

"In what world is Petunia eating anything other than her very expensive dog food?"

She giggled and whistled Petunia over so she could give her some fuss. Getting a dog was still the best decision I had made for Gabi, and one of the nicer ones too. When she was younger I had to make a lot of horrible decisions in the hospital that hurt her, and put her through stuff no little kid should go through. It was nice to make a happy one, and see her still be so fond of Petunia as if we just got her today.

She spoke to her, she let out her emotions to her, and even though all Petunia did back was wipe the tears with her tongue, Gabi appreciated it.

And so Petunia got treated like a princess because she deserved it.

After lunch, we stayed outside for a bit and played with Petunia, but then Gabi wanted a nap, so we went up to my room and I put the tv on for me while she slept in my side. Her head rested on my shoulder with her face in my neck, and she stayed curled up.

It was a little more awkward now she wasn't a baby, but sometimes she liked to sleep this way, and it comforted me that some things never really changed