ceaseless// 5SOS

22

Luke

"Before you go in," Calum said, holding his arm infront of the door, "She's been crying for you, it's not a pretty sight. She's not feeling good, yes I have her on pain medication, yes one of you can stay,"

Sierra and I had stayed in her office and talked it out some more, then both taken a nap somehow, until our phones started ringing from Cal to tell us Gabi was awake again.

"Just let me in,"

He opened the door and I followed him, my heart plummeting as I saw Gabi.

"Hey baby, dad's here, its all gonna be okay. It's all gonna be okay,"

I brushed the hair from her face and got a tissue to wipe her cheeks then nose. She was pale, and shaking, and had been changed into a hospital gown which I wasn't very happy about because I'd rather Sierra had helped. It had probably upset her a lot being alone.

"It's all gonna be okay, Calum's given you all the good medicine, and dad is here to look after you. And your mum, you've got mum and dad,"

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be sorry. We'll talk when you're better, okay? I'm not angry! Just focus on getting better,"

"I'm cold. So cold,"

"Let's get you tucked in,"

"I feel like maybe I am gonna die?"

"You're not,"

"Okay. Ashton said,.. Ashton said I nearly died before. Is it happening again?"

"Ashton doesn't know what he's talking about," I said, "You've always been very strong,"

"Okay. I just wanna sleep again cos it hurts,"

"You go to sleep then princess. Would you like me to sing you some lullabies?"

She nodded, so I quietly started to sing, and gently rubbing my thumb on her forehead which worked like magic.

Once she was back asleep, I sat down next to Sierra, and looked down at my feet. It kinda felt like a stab in the back that Ash had told her that. I guessed it wasn't a secret, but you don't exactly go round telling a kid who is still very much sick, that they almost died.

She did fucking die at one point and I didn't like to think or remember or admit but I remember how it looked, and sounded, and felt, for those 30 seconds that lasted a lifetime.

Maybe she was almost dying now. I couldn't think about it.. She was speaking and awake, even if it was just briefly, and I could see her heartrate was fairly steady. Her blood pressure was quite whack but her charts showed they were trying to help it, and I could see the medicine they'd given her. It was all normal, nothing to say she'd need surgery.

But she could. This is how she almost died before. Did die. Right here. It was difficult to forget the room numbers.

"Luke, talk to me,"

"I... I,"

It felt like someone was choking me. Restricting the air to my brain so I couldn't think, my lungs so I couldn't breathe, my muscles so I couldn't move.
Not my tear ducts, the tears came flooding out, but everything else was frozen.

"Big breaths. Look at me, and do some big breaths,"

I didn't, so she grabbed my chin and turned my head for me, locking eyes with me.

"Big breaths,"

"My baby,"

"I know she's your baby,"