ceaseless// 5SOS

27

Luke

"Dad, dad, dad,"

"What?"

"Please can you help me to the bathroom?"

"Of course," I said, immediately turning on the lamp, "Here darling,"

I helped her out of bed and took her weight as we walked to the bathroom, bringing the monitors with us. She didn't seem like she had slept, though she did sleep a lot in the day so I supposed her sleeping was pretty messed up.

Once I helped her back into bed, I tucked her in and turned the lamp out, climbing into my own bed as she was pretty quiet.

I did eventually hear her snoring, but a nurse came in and woke her back up, which ended in frustrated tears. As I tried to calm her down, she shouted at me a bit about how unfair things were, and how she was fed up of being in pain, but I eventually got her to sleep again using Ashton's technique of lullabies, and fussing over her (which was apparently okay today).

It was tired shouting, but it did hurt a little, even when I knew not to take it to heart.

In the morning, she was fine. Breakfast made her very happy, then we squished together on her bed to watch a movie. Calum said she could shower and change into her own pyjamas, which she immediately did, then I plait her hair and gave her a sweatshirt to wear.

While moving, she had found a stash of my old clothes, and taken a lot of them to wear as pyjamas, or lounge wear at least. They weren't too long on her, so she got away with wearing some of it out the house too. She'd always be a mini me, through and through.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Okay,"

"Do you remember last night at all?" I asked, gently brushing my thumb back and forth on her forehead, "You got a bit upset,"

"I'm fine now,"

"We can talk about it if you want,"

"You'll just get mad at me,"

"Is that what you think?"

"You got mad at me the other time and we fell out, when I said about dying. I was scared and you got mad," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry... at the time I didn't realise you were scared,"

"I'm always scared,"

"Yeah... I'll try and do better. You can tell me anything,"

"I can't,"

"Why?"

"I just can't. I'm older now, and I don't know how to come up to you and tell you things,"

"You just have to say 'dad, can we talk?' And I'll ask what's up, and you just say,"

"It's not that easy to ask to talk,"

"I know it's not, darling, I know. Are you gonna try in the support group?"

"I dunno,"

"Well, that's better than no,"

"I don't want Maddox to come anymore and to don't know how to tell her. She's great, but she doesn't get it. She doesn't quite get how this all feels and now I wanna go alone,"

"All you have to say is that you think you'd like to try going on your own, she's not gonna get mad. She cares about you a lot,"

"I love her so much,"

"I know you do," I smiled, "How was yesterday?"

"Really good. Once she stopped crying we spoke loads. My stomach hurts right now because we laughed so hard and I haven't moved much so that was like, a workout,"