📔Diary of a Broken Boy 💔 (💛Jake Angst😢)

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Requested by: xx_citron
😢Jake angst😢

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{Jake's POV}
"I can't keep acting like I'm okay when I can barely even eat a full meal without wanting to throw up." I hated all of this. Everyone at school hates me, the music club won't talk to me, Drew and them are pissed off with me, and my grades are slipping down to their lowest point while I don't even feel anything anymore. I just feel numb, and I feel empty. "I need to find that old diary I've had from middle school."

I began to look around my room for the diary that I stopped writing in after I became friends with Drew and the others. I wrote about being bullied, hurt, and other awful things in that diary for years, and now it's time to do it all again. However, when I finally found it, I realized that it was filled up to the last two pages. "I guess that this is the last entry I'll get to make." I dug my pencil out of my book bag and sat at my desk, but before I could start writing, someone knocked on my door. 

"Jake, it's time for dinner!" Milo said while sounding a bit nervous, which is understandable given my attitude towards everyone over the past couple days.

"I'm not hungry right now!" I said in return without even looking at the door behind me.

"Ok... I'll tell mom and dad." Milo said before I heard him walking down the hallway to our kitchen downstairs.

I looked back at my old ass diary, which was still sitting laid out on the desk in front of me. I get to work on writing how I've felt recently, but it does sound incredibly cringe with the way I started it.

"Dear diary,
I know it's been two years and that this is the last page I'll be able to write on, but I don't care. I hate that I let my friends manipulate me, I hate that I have no one, I hate that everyone hates me, I hate how empty and broken I feel, I hate how I'm being treated, I hate how I'm treating myself, I hate everything and anything that I come across. I can't even eat half of a meal without feeling sick. I want to just leave, disappear. I thought it was getting better, but then it immediately started to turn around and  started to get worse and worse and worse until I eventually lost everyone that I had ever cared about. Daisy and Sean are probably dating, Drew and the others are pissed off with me, the music club isn't talking to me, my parents aren't even helping, my grades are slipping, Zoey posted why I got kicked out of the music club online, and I feel like straight up crying and leaving everything about me away."

I felt the tears burning my eyes as I wrote out the words that describe how I feel about myself, but I continued to write. I could even hear my parents talking shit about me downstairs for not coming down to eat dinner. I wanted to straight up scream, cry, and throw things around my room, but I don't do any of that.

"I can't handle all of this anymore, but I can't just leave the town, on my own or not. I want to lash out at everyone, but I couldn't and probably never will. I want to just disappear from reality and never come back. Even listening to music like I used to do doesn't help anymore and it's hurting me more and more.""

It hurt just to write it all out on the paper let alone read it over while writing. I hated what was happening, I hated everything. After I thought about it I knew what I was going to do to get out of this hellhole. I walked up to the calendar on my wall and circled the Sunday that was 3 days away from today. I wrote something on it too. "My Death Day." It felt good just writing it out on the calendar that just sat on my wall. It would be two days after the competition, Milo would be at his friend's house for a sleepover, my parents would be at work until 4 in the afternoon which would be long enough for me to die before they'd get back home. I went back to me desk and started writing the end of my diary entry.

"I know that people usually say that suicide is never the answer, but I think it's my only way out of this hellhole of a lifetime. I hope that everyone at school, Drew and the others, the music club, Daisy, Milo, and mom and dad can forgive me on this, and realize that I'm finally happy. I know that it probably won't be easy for everyone, but it should me easy for most of them with how they've been recently. So, I guess this is my goodbye to you and anyone who reads this later, thanks for being here throughout middle school and now."

I closed up my diary and put it in a drawer in my desk. I went downstairs after wiping away the tears in my eyes and ate my dinner as if nothing happened and I even ignored my parents when they asked me questions, which did indeed piss them off and they yelled at me, but I didn't really care anymore. "It'll all be over soon Jake, it's okay now." I kept telling myself that in my head while aging my dinner. When everyone was finished with dinner, I took a shower and went to bed. It was the first time I was able to actually get a full night of sleep in a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~3 days later~~~~~~~~~~

{Milo's POV}
I was already at my friend Calvin's house with our other friend Ezra when I realized that I left my phone charger at my house, but Ezra and Calvin have androids and I have an apple phone. So, we decided that I could go to my house to get my charger and I could then leave for the night.

I walked into the house while calling for Jake, but I got no reply. I knew he wasn't hanging out with any of his friends so, I was confused. I knew I was only there for my charger, but I decided to check the entire downstairs before checking the upstairs for Jake. When I went upstairs, I decided to check Jake's room fir-...

no.

"JAKE!!!!" I screamed his name so loudly that my friends and Calvin's parents came inside, upstairs, and saw Jake bleeding out from his neck just like I did.

Calvin and Ezra were trying to calm me down, but they weren't helping or calm themselves. Calvin's mother was calling 911 for an ambulance to come and get Jake while Calvin's father was trying to help Jake as much as he could given the situation and that he's kind of disgusted my blood. I couldn't tell how long it was before the ambulance showed up and took Jake out of the room. Calvin and Ezra let me go with Jake in the ambulance while Calvin's parents called me and Jake's parents.

~~~~~~~~~~~ The next day ~~~~~~~~

{Jake's POV}
I woke up with blinding white lights in my eyes. My neck hurt from where I remember slicing it with a pocket knife to die. "Who was able to save me when no one else was home with me at all?" Dammit. I couldn't and wouldn't want to get up. I then saw Milo in the corner with his two friends resting with each other. Calvin's Parents and mine were also in the room on the other side. Everyone was asleep, but I couldn't fall back asleep. I wanted it all to end, but I guess the universe wasn't allowing that to happen just yet. "Oh well."

When Ezra woke up, he instantly started to tap Milo on the shoulder rapidly to wake him up. He saw that I was awake.

"What Ez?" Milo said not even moving his head or opening his eyes.

"Jake, he's awake." Ezra said nice and quietly, but Milo practically jumped up in his seat.

Milo looked at me for a second before jumping up, hugged me, and basically started bawling his eyes out, but I understand why he is. I put my hand on his head and started crying myself. "Milo, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I'm just glad that you're okay." Milo said while his voice broke at every word and still crying.

His friend, Ezra, walked up to us two and put his hand on Milo's shoulder. "See, I told you he'd be okay, Mi (pronounced my)."

"Shut up Ez, you were scared too!" Milo said causing me to let out out an incredibly tiny chuckle since it hurt for me to do anymore than that.

"Shut up!" Ezra said, visibly louder than he wanted to, causing everyone else to wake up.

After that, everyone was asking me questions, crying, saying that they were happy that I was okay, and some yelling at me before breaking down. "I guess I'm not going to be able to die just yet, oh well."

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Word count: 1,549
I hope you enjoy one over your four requested oneshots (I will do the others, don't worry). xx_citron

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