Safe Space ~ Lo'ak Sully

White Face Paint

Gathered in the water by the Cove of Ancestors, the clan stands in silence, honoring the brave warriors we have lost. A few Metkayina warriors were lost in battle earlier, and though others mourn, it is not them I cry for.

Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan.

He was kind- too kind- and funny. He cared for his family deeply, and in the end, he died saving them. He was my best friend. And I love him in a way he will never know. I never got to tell him how much he changed my life. He made my dark days bright again and he was there for me when I needed to cry, or rant, or scream. He was always there for me.

Swimming out towards the cove with the Sully's, Neytiri, Tuk, Lo'ak and I pull Neteyam through the water while he lays in a small raft. Though I am not part of the mourning family, the Sully's allow me to wear white paint on my face in honor of their son, as they all did- though my design is more minimalist compared to theirs. The white face paint does not represent mourning- White is worn to celebrate the new life of the ones who were lost as they now join Eywa. Though we may mourn the lost, we are joyous that they are now with the great mother.

Arriving above the Cove of Ancestors, the family stops and begins taking their son out of the raft to take one last look at him. Neteyam's hair is tied back by one of Lo'ak hair bands, and his arms and legs; bound. I take a deep breath. He looks peaceful, at least.

I hear Neytiri try to hold back a sob, but she has every right to cry. She's lost her son, her first born, a piece of her family she can never get back. I look over at Lo'ak, beside me.. He yearns for his brother back. Jake Sully lets out a sad sigh, and we all know that it's time. Lo'ak, Me, and the rest of the Sully siblings move away from their older brother and parents. Neytiri and Jake take a deep breath before going underwater with Neteyam.

Kiri and the human boy- who I now know as Spider- dismount an Ilu, readjusting themselves to watch as Neteyam is returned to Eywa. We all move underwater to watch as the Sully parents swim down to the cove. I grab Lo'ak by the hand in an effort to comfort him, but in reality, I need the comfort too. We both mourn together.

We watch as Neteyam is taken in by Eywa until we can no longer see him.

Metkayina say that all energy is only borrowed. One day you have to give it back.

Ewya holds all her children in her heart.

Nothing is ever lost.

***

The next morning, Lo'ak finds me on the beach. He stills wears his white paint, as does the rest of the Sully's, though I've taken mine off. It is appropriate for the family to wear it for as long as their mourning process takes. Lo'ak sits down beside me before letting out a sigh.

"My family is planning on leaving tomorrow." Lo'ak instantly says, not wanting to keep it to himself any longer.

I turn, quickly, to look at him. "What?" My eyes widened in shock. You can't leave!

"It's my dad's idea. He says we've caused you too much trouble already." Lo'ak shakes his head, disappointedly, before looking at the sand beneath us.

"Y-You cannot go." I shake my head, looking for any excuse to get the Sullys to stay as I begin to stand up. "We have to convince your father. You just can't!" I begin to walk towards my Marui but Lo'ak rises to his feet quickly, grabs me by the arm, and stops me.

Lo'ak tries to convince me, "It's no use, Tsaeyla." But I refuse to listen.

"No! Neteyam lies with our ancestors. Your family, You, are Metkayina now. Where else would you go?"

"I don't know." Lo'ak shrugs, "But my dad probably has it figured out already. I'm telling you there is no use."

"No, I will not stand here and do nothing. There is no use in this!" I pull out of Lo'ak grasp before making my way towards my Marui. Though, when I arrive, I fear I am too late. Jake Sully is already walking away, having finished a conversation with my father. Still, I stop him in his tracks.

"Your family, you can't leave." I say sternly. It catches Toruk Makto off guard. "You are Metkayina now! You've caused no trouble."

"Tsaeyla-" Jake Sully raises a hand, gesturing me to stop and I hear Lo'ak call out from behind me, but I ignore it.

"-No, I refuse to let you leave. What good is it to keep running?"

Jake Sully starts again, "Tsaeyla, please... allow me to speak?"

I open my mouth and speak again but my fathers voice interrupts. "Toruk Makto and his family are staying. No need for persuasion, daughter." I am shocked by the response and I suddenly feel my face burn up in embarrassment.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm though." Jake Sully lets out a small laugh.

I look back at Lo'ak, who is just as shocked as me. "I am sorry for bothering you, Toruk Makto." I apologize, looking back over at him before setting my eyes to the ground.

"Please, call me Mr. Sully." (a.n: i wanna throw up, that is the most human thing Jake could ever say 💀💀) "Toruk Makto is too formal." Jake Sully sends me a polite smile and I nod.

"Thank you." I say before stepping out of his way and over towards Lo'ak.

"So... about that whole leaving thing.." Lo'ak trails off, a smirk on his lips.

"Skxawng! Don't ever scare me like that again." I punch Lo'ak in the shoulder, playfully. He laughs a bit and his eyes meet mine.

It's moments like this, the light in a dark time, that make us feel whole again, though other times, it feels like there is a huge part of ourselves missing. Neteyam is missing. But we don't let it consume us. Instead, we wear our white face paint with pride, honoring and remembering the lost. He is at peace, smiling down at us with Eywa. He is happy and we are happy. We miss him, but know we'll meet again some day- even if it is far from now. We won't have the opportunity to grow up together, or laugh together anymore. We cannot hug each other, or cry to each other. But we will always hold each other in our hearts. We have memories we will never lose and stories to reminisce on.

There will always be pieces missing, but there are others I can hold on to.

We need to focus on what and who we do have now- focus on the good times. I have my father, mother, sister, brother, and friends who care for me deeply- as I do them.

I have Lo'ak.

Lo'ak has me. And together we will care and support each other through thick and thin. He is not Neteyam, nor will he ever replace him. He is uniquely Lo'ak, and that's what I love about him. He may be different but there is nothing wrong with that. He may be selfish at times but he is also brave, altruistic, caring, kind-hearted, sarcastic, stubborn and sometimes unforgiving. Most importantly, he's just Lo'ak.

I wish everybody had a Lo'ak. 

word count: 1237