The Baby Project. C.H. (A.U.)

Eighteen // Bliss.

Something didn't feel right.

I felt odd and everything just seemed off and although I don't want to I fight my desire to go back to sleep.

As soon as I'm more awake I notice that I'm not tangled up with Calum in bed like we usually are. Well no wonder everything felt off, I was so use to sleeping in his arms now that it was almost impossible to not.

I turn over and find that Calum is sitting up with his back against the headboard. The first thing that comes to my mind is why is he even awake and also what time was it?

"Calum." I murmur. "What are you doing?" I wait for a few minutes but don't get an answer from him. What was going on? "Calum?"

"I haven't been able to sleep." Calum admits his voice sounder deeper then usual.

"Why?" I ask feeling concerned. I reach over to the bedside table and flick on the lamp so that we're not just sitting in complete darkness.

"I know what you said about it not being my fault but all I can think is that it was."

"Calum-" I begin but he cuts me off not even giving me a chance to speak.

"What Emma said about it not being just us anymore...she was right and I thought I understood that but maybe I don't." Calum sighs. "What if you had been so stressed that you had a miscarriage?"

"I didn't though and that's all that matters." I tell him and he shakes his head. "Calum we're both perfectly fine."

"Yeah but you might not of been and that was all my fault."

"No it wasn't." I let out a sigh. "I was stressed yes but it wasn't just because of us fighting. The last couple of weeks have been overwhelming with us moving back home and finding the house and the pregnancy, I've been so paranoid that something is wrong with the baby or me and then Sam's going through a lot. I guess I just took on too much but that's not your fault." I reassure him.

"You're worried about the baby?" Calum asks a deep frown spreading across his face.

"Yes but I don't any have reason to be it's just....a woman thing. We worry about things even when we have no reason to." I explain and Calum nods looking relieved.

"What's going on with Sam?" Calum asks and my stomach drops.

"Um don't be mad but I can't say." I blurt. "It's just that nothing's confirmed so I don't want to say anything yet." Nobody apart from me knows about Sam's current issues and just like Claudia, Sam asked me not to say anything to anyone.

"Okay..." Calum mumbles looking uncertain. I could tell that he had so much going on in that head of his and I wanted to help but I didn't know if he would let me.

"I don't blame you for anything, you know that right?" I reach for his hands and tangle them with mine, I don't know what it was about holding hands with Calum but it always made me feel calm.

"I know but I do." Calum says his dropping to our hands. "I don't ever want to screw up what we have and I just worry that I'm going to."

"No." I tell him untangling my hands with his only so I can climb into his lap. "Look at me." I instruct and he reluctantly lifts his head to meet my gaze. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going anywhere? I'm yours Calum and I don't know what else I can do to make you see that."

It literally broke my heart that Calum still had doubts. We had been through so much together and were going to go through even more but I knew that nothing was ever going to break us and I just wish that he saw that too.