Harry potter and his life of bullsh!t

Chapter 2: what is my life

He couldn't help but cringe at the gucchi eyebags that sat on his face. They were dark, and they definitely stood out on his pale skin.

'I might as well be snowwhite. Were you kidnapped or enslaved? Kinda. Can you talk to animals? Snakes. I can talk to snakes. Do you have some kind of ability? Yup. Do people tend to stare at your looks? A little too often. Did someone evil do something to you? Oh yes. That's it, I'm a Disney princess' Harry thought with a snicker.

He stripped down, turning on the water in the shower and and hopping in without waiting for it to turn warm. He felt the cold water hit him and used the cheap bodywash, shampoo and conditioner. He showered as quick as possible to not upset the muggles in the house. When he was done he dried off and changed into the other pair of clothes.

He felt a lot better after a shower, quietly humming a toon as he combed through his hair, trying to tame the mop on his head into a broom. He hadn't really cared for humming before, but then he went insane, and now he feels like he's always either talking to himself or doing something straight out of a psych ward, even then, he couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

He left the bathroom to see the group of oompaloompas dressed and ready to leave. He got his uncle his coat and his aunt her purse. It was a routine in his past to help them prepare to leave.

"No funny business, we will be back in this evening and I expect to see the house clean and tidy when we get back. Is that understood?" Petunia said, clearly skeptical of leaving him with their house.
"yes aunt Petunia, I will clean and fix up the yard while you are gone"
Harry said innocently.
Vernon mumbled something unintelligible and snorted as he grabbed his car keys and the three of them left.

As he heard them pull out of the driveway, Harry couldn't help but grin psychotically in excitement. He had been left alone, all alone. He couldn't have asked for a better time for them to leave.

He knew that they would be mad if he hadn't cleaned the house by the time they came back, so he decided that it was the perfect time to try using magic again.

He focused on his magic and the task at hand, ordering his magic to obey. With some struggle and a little bit of his energy, the items in the house started to float around and follow the tasks he has given them. His magic was really wonky and it took a lot of struggle to get it to work, (kinda like a old mans di- *clears throat) but he still managed to somehow control it.

The duster started to dust all the furniture, the vaccum cleaning the floor, the window wiper cleaning the window, the dirty clothes and sheets floating into the two washers they had in the house, and any stray items going back to their correct places. He was honestly astonished that he could make his magic work this well at his current age.

Throwing on some shoes and walking outside, he got tools from the shed and used his magic on that too. The lawn mower got to work, the weeds floating out of the ground into the waste bin, the sheers clipping away at the bushes, prooning them into the correct shape, and the watering can started to water the flowers.

He walked back inside, slipped off his shoes to not get the floor dirty again and walked into a medium sized room on the other side of the house. The room was a lounge area and it had books as petunia liked to read as a hobby. He grabbed a book from the shelf and sat down to start reading. He made sure to focus a part of his mind to the magic and started to read.

He read for around an hour, deciding that it would be long enough for the tools to do there job and return to there places.
Sure enough. He walked out of the room and there weren't any tools floating around, it was perfectly clean.

Glancing out the window, he saw that all the tools had returned to the shed and the yard was perfectly taken care of. He couldn't help but let a evil smirk crawl up his face. 'Perfect' he thought. He grabbed his bag which was more of a satchel and went to the front door, slipping his cheep combat boots on.

He stepped outside, prepared to go to his destination. This was going to be a fun day.

A/N: holy crap, that was a lot of writing. Did you enjoy the chapter?

Fun fact: there is a extremely rare condition that causes your muscle to slowly turn into bone and by the end of your life you will be drinking your food through a tube because you can't move.

Q/N: what is your favorite genre? Mine is horror or dark comedy.