Chapter Fifty-Four

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After hours staring at the ceiling, I couldn't stand it anymore. The only way to clear my head was not to close my eyes. If I did... I couldn't breathe. The fear of what Duvessa might be doing in Wickenton wouldn't fade and, after being confined and feeling powerless, I felt like darkness was closing in.

An invisible weight pressed against my chest.

My bedroom was suffocating.

It was too late to go running—and I definitely wasn't prepared for that much solitude—but I felt like I had to burn energy. To force my body into exhaustion so my mind was forced to shut down. It was too late to wake Calin, and I really didn't want to admit I wasn't ready to be alone in my own home.

I lowered the blankets and slipped on my slippers with a missing ear. On the way back from the clearing, I had seen someone had set the backyard up. I assumed it was Aiden or Julian, wanting to make sure I had all the normal comforts before heading back to Wickenton. I changed out of my bedclothes, hoping the pool was as warm in cold weather as I remembered, and grabbed a thick robe to stave off the chill. If all else failed, I could check out the hot tub.

As quietly as possible, I grabbed a towel from my bathroom and left my bedroom. Onyx pattered after me, nearly soundless. I avoided the creaks in the stairs and made my way to the kitchen to the backdoor. I paused as the door groaned but, when I didn't hear anyone stir inside the house, I went out into the backyard and shut the door behind me.

I took a deep breath, feeling free.

The invisible weights lifted.

I dropped my towel on a lounger and sat on the edge of the pool to dangle my feet in the water. The cold was a shock, and I sucked in a breath, tensing my muscles. After a few minutes, my body adjusted, and I relaxed.

The chill in the air kept me alert but made me wary of getting in the water.

Leaning back, I stretched my arms behind me and rested my weight.

I tilted my head to the sky and closed my eyes.

A calm washed through me. The slight breeze that tickled my skin faded. My breathing slowed. For a moment, it was like the world pressed pause and I'd found a bubble of silence.

Too soon, the moment passed.

The wind picked back up, and the chill cooled me.

I opened my eyes to look around. The lights from the pool reflected off my skin, creating blue-white patterns. The movement of light was hypnotizing, and I found it difficult to look away. It would feel good to go for a swim. If only the night was warmer.

My eyes lifted to the water, and my desire to be in the pool grew. Theoretically, nothing was keeping me from enjoying it. I could make myself comfortable enough to bare my skin, so why didn't I? I connected with fire. The breeze couldn't compete with that, even if I was wet, which always added to the cold.

So, why didn't I help myself be happy?

I can do this.

In my mind, I imagined a bubble around me, blocking the cold.

I fought the urge to fight the connection to my magic.

Apprehension knotted my stomach, and I fisted my hands at my sides, pressing them into the tile.

Magic is good.

Magic is not scary.

I can control it.

My skin warmed, and I slowly exhaled as the familiar tingle coursed through my veins. Starting in my chest and working its way outward. I felt as though a layer of heat was encasing me. It reached down to my toes and the top of my head. Even my fingertips tingled. The water cooled my feet, feeling amazing.

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