Chapter Seventeen

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Calin arrived back at the Malloy's before we did, and he was waiting for us outside the front door. I could see the hurt in his gaze, but I didn't know what else to do. It felt as terrible for me, I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't seem to bring voice to the words. If it's true, I didn't know what I'd done in a prior life to deserve this. How—or more to the point, why—did my body react to him like I wouldn't be happy until I was in his arms? Even from this distance, I felt the physical pull, and it took everything I had to ignore the urge to give into it.

Don't look at him and it will go away, I told myself.

I kept my head down as we approached, then mounted the steps. It was clear Calin didn't believe it was possible—or didn't give a damn if we were. As though he was daring me to deny us, he stood still, as unmoving as a boulder attached to a mountain. Goosebumps raised the skin on my arms, tingling at the near touch between us as I squeezed past him.

"Good night," I whispered instead, and continued to avoid eye contact as I made my way upstairs.

"Don't worry," Islene told Calin. "I'll have your father arrange the test she wants by morning."

"Mom." With the one word, the hurt I'd seen in Calin's eyes became heard and, for the first time, he sounded hesitant. "What if Nora is right?"

I sucked in a breath and had to force myself not to pause to hear the answer. The silence stretched, and I took the final three steps slower. It was good I was holding onto the bannister and it kept me from falling when I stumbled.

"I don't know, Calin," Islene finally said, and I exhaled. "I don't think it's possible, but... Let's do the test and find out for sure. Nora needs to be confident in the decisions that she makes."

"Those tests take weeks," Calin said. I didn't look back, but it sounded like he spoke through gritted teeth. "How can I help her if I can't touch her?"

"Well, then, I guess it's a good thing that we're leaving," Islene said. "Be patient. I'm sure Nora is hurting as much as you. It will be a good time for Nora to learn not to rely on you."

"What? She shouldn't have—"

"Yes, she should. Nora needs to learn to help herself, Calin."

She's not wrong.

Hearing the truth in what Islene said—whether for good or bad—scared me. Even after my mother died, I'd never been alone. I'd never had to depend on only myself. How was I supposed to figure that out and discover my mother's secrets at the same time?

I went into the guest room and guided the door to a soft close. Throwing my bag on the bed, I changed and then climbed under the blankets. Too late, I realized that I'd locked Onyx out of the room. My gaze darted to the door and then to my bag, and I reached for the bag. I liked having Onyx at my side, but I was thankful for some time alone.

I flipped the flap open and pulled out the envelopes bound together with a piece of twine. Undoing the knot, I shuffled through the stack. It was odd that none of them didn't have a name on them, not to mention weren't opened. Each envelope had a number written on the front bottom right corner, ranging from one to seven. I stacked them in numerical order, with the first resting on top. Hoping it wasn't some love letter Devland wrote my mother—parent relations were so ick—I tore open the top. Feeling more than a little bit of déjà vu, I pulled out a lined piece of paper.

Dear Vavila,

Oh, no!

My darling daughter...

Okay, then. This I could handle.

Dear Vavila,

My darling daughter. I know that what we ask is outside your comfort. I hope you know that I wouldn't have sent you away unless it was for the greater good. Trust that this is—and will always be—your home. It is where you belong, and it is where you will be someday again. You will never appreciate what our home offers if you don't spend this time away. One day, you will be where I am, and you will have to ask something as tumultuous of your own daughter.

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