between day and night

Edo

I yawn tired and look up...toward the cloudy sky. I've been here, at Osaka castle, for three weeks now, and since it's January again...it's officially four years since I arrived in the past. it's so weird to think about it...but that snowy night when I met Chizuru and the Shinsengumi it seems like a lifetime ago...also because at that time there wasn't this stupid war. I'm so worried...because me, Okita and Kondo-san are still stuck here but the others are still fighting out there, and we can't know for sure if they are okay.

I sigh again, thinking about Okita. He's still seriously injured...but he wants to go and fight with the others, so he often doesn't listen to Dr Matsumoto and tries to stand up and train with his katana. And because of his behavior he is always in danger of reopening his wounds or passing out.

Me or Rin try to stop him every time of course...but we're not always with him, and he's so fucking stubborn. I get it, I know why he acts like that, but...it's difficult to see him so frustrated. Just...thank god that there is also Kondo-san here, because he's able to stop him really quickly every time he's nearby.

I lower my gaze...looking at the road in front of the castle. Every thursday Chizuru writes to me a letter, keeping me updated of what happened to her and the others...so Kondo-san and the others can't hide anything from me, and like this I can always know if Chizuru is safe. I know that there is Hijikata with her, and I trust him to protect her...but it's good to know she's okay.

I sigh and continue to wait on the entrance of the castle...because today is thursday and Chizuru's letter will arrive soon. If Dr Matsumoto sees me outside he will be angry, but I don't care...since my wounds are almost healed, and I really want to know how she's doing. After this I will return to Okita's room, so if he doesn't see me there is no problem.

I hear the sound of footsteps so I look up...seeing a familiar figure coming towards me. I widen my eyes surprised, but Yamazaki continues to walk toward me with a really serious expression on his face, and I immediately I feel that something was wrong.

I shake my head, ignoring that bad feeling and smile at him <<Yamazaki! What are you doing here?>> and he stops in front of me. He frowns <<Nura-san>> and he gives me a letter. I take it slowly...starting to understand <<if you are here...>> I shiver <<what happened?>> he looks down sad <<i'm sure Yukimura-kun wrote this in the letter, but there was a battle...but despise the Shinsengumi's best effort, the magistrate has fallen. And Inoue-san was one of the lives lost in the ensuing battle>> I feel like the ground is missing under my feet, and I take a step back...but Yamazaki continues talking <<and the Shogun, Yoshinobu-sama, has already departed for Edo...and we will follow him. I'm here to inform the commander>> and without saying anything else he enters inside.

I look in front of me...unable to move, and then my legs give out. I sit on the ground, feeling my eyes burning with tears. Inoue-san...Inoue-san is gone. It can't be...why? Why?!

I punch the ground gritting my teeth, why?! He was so kind...so good...he was like a grandfather to all of us...so why?! He didn't deserved to die in a war so pointless! not like this!

I grip more Chizuru's letter in my hand, and cover my face with my arm...starting to cry silently. I didn't expect everyone to come out of a war unscathed, but...not like this! He has been so kind, and I haven't spoken to him one last time. it's so unfair!

I continue to cry, but then a voice called me <<Riko? Riko where are you? Oh! Riko!>> and I feel Rin's little hands grabbing my arm. I lower my arm, looking at her with surprise <<wh..what is it Rin? I know I promised to play with you...but not right now. I need to be alone for a moment please>> but she shakes her head with agitation <<no! it's Okita! he's doing it again, I need your help!>> and she pulls my arm. I widen my eyes worried sick and jump on my feet <<fuck...>> and I immediately follow Rin, wiping away my tears with my hand.