between day and night

bad dreams

<<would you like to play with me?>> I look up surprised, seeing the familiar young girl with black long hair and pale skin in front of me. She was smiling at me with a sweet smile on her face, and she was offering me her hand. A terrible fear grabs me, making me freeze...but then a distant voice calls me <<Riko? My sweet little bear, where are you?>> and dad appears. I widen my eyes and try to speak...to scream at him to run away, but the terror I was feeling was such that it prevented my mouth from working. So I grab his leg and shake it, but he just smiles and pats my head...then his kimono slips from my hands and he moves back.

He continues to smile at me and grabs the girl's hand...and then they just start to walk away, surrounded by the yamabuki flowers near the road. I scream as loud as I can, but neither of them turns around...and they disappear, along with the flowers. Everything becomes dark immediately after, and I fall on my knees feeling only more fear and sadness.

I scream louder and curl up on the floor, terrified by the darkness that surrounds me. I start crying...already knowing what is going to happened, but then a happy laugh pass near me. I look up shocked, seeing Riko running in the same direction dad and Hagoromo Gitsune had gone...unaware of the danger. I immediately stand up and run after him, screaming <<no Rikuo! don't go there! Please don't leave too!>> but no matter how much I ran...I couldn't reach him, and he too disappeared into the darkness like dad.

I continue to run, trying to see through the tears <<no! don't leave me alone!>> and a cold despair grabs my heart <<Grandpa! Mum! Rikuo! Someone help me! Okita! Mana! Chizuru! Shiro! Please...someone!>> and then the darkness disappears.

I look around surprised, seeing a familiar garden. it's one of the backyard garden of an old Shinsengumi headquarters in Kyoto. Ava is sitting on the engawa, and she's humming amused <<you didn't even notice that I was contaminating your friends with my blood>> and she looks at me <<silly girl, no matter how much you scream, you're alone...because you can't protect anyone. No one will come to help you, and you already know it. You don't deserve it, because you're not strong enough>> I tremble and shake my head <<you're...you're lying! I'm not alone!>> but she smirks...in the same cold and cynical way as Hagoromo Gitsune <<really? Then...why hasn't anyone come to help you yet? Could it be...that you are the one who is lying right now? You can't save anyone...and because of that you are alone. You can't do anything...only watch as everything is taken away from you by people much more strong and determined than you>>and she chuckles.

I shake my head and step back, but then someone hugs me from behind. I freeze, feeling only more frightened thanks to that cold and unpleasant hug <<so...you are their granddaughter? You look just like your grandmother>> and a shiver run down my spine. I whisper <<Hagoromo Gitsune...what are you...?!>> but her white finger touches my cheek <<do you really think you can defeat my hate little one? You think...you can kill me? No...you will only be able to watch>> and she covers my eyes with her hands <<so watch!>> and images appear before my eyes.

I scream, realizing immediately what I was watching. Four corpses...with wide and empty eyes. Dad...Rikuo...mum...grandpa. They're gone, because of me...because I wasn't able to protect them!

I try to look away, feeling a burning pain take control of my mind. It was something so...so impossible to bear that I just wanted to die myself, but I was unable to look away or move...and every second that passed made more corpses appear.

Time continued to pass...and I continued to look, seeing only more people I know dead in front of me. Mana, Shiro, Chizuru, Zen and the rest of the clan...but also the Shinsengumi appeared.

Everyone...I let down everyone I love. I didn't protect them...because...because I'm weak.

Two empty eyes find my gaze...two empty jade green eyes, and I stop breathing, refusing to accept it. My mind just shuts down and succumbs to that hell...and I fall to my knees. The tears almost covers that horrible torture, preventing me to see...but then something appears in my hand. I raise it, seeing a knife...and with tremble hands I point it toward my neck. The blade cuts my skin like butter...and then nothing.