Wikigirl 2 //PJM

Chapter 30

Has anyone wondered, how the realization that no matter what, you can't escape? No matter what you can't get loved, no matter what you won't be accepted. No matter what, you can't bring your own self back to life, you can't turn back time. Such a realization how does it feel? What kind of despair may leave in someone's heart? What kind of sorrow may hold a dead soul's eyes? How cornered one individual must feel for them to choose death, just so they could breathe as themselves, for some mere seconds. 

When a leap towards freedom means a dive into death's arms and she was still creating for that freedom, that escape as all she could get. All she could have.

Engulfed in the darkness of her room, with the sharp blade of a knife laying by her side on the floor, by her bed where she was and Jungkook's jacket that she had placed over her shoulders and was holding on it as tightly as she could.

After Boram had woken up on that staircase, she should have gone and returned it to him, but after what he had witnessed, she didn't find the strength to face him. She was certain that Jungkook will judge her for her attempt to end her life. 

He like anyone else will call her dramatic. He won't believe she even has a reason, even though she knew well she could never speak of anything, to begin with. In the eyes of the world, she had everything one could ask for. She had a perfect life. The spoiled daughter, the rich arrogant girl, the one that luck always works for and nothing she ever had obtained was won by merit.

The one most wanted to be in her shoes yet she always wished for the others to never find themselves in her place. No matter how golden her cage was, it was still killing her.

The little box before Boram's feet had captured her eyes for hours now, unable to look away from that diamond ring that would make most people happy, yet for her, it was only one more wall that was keeping her away from getting peace. It was one more thing she had to fulfil in hopes of making her mother look at her one day with a bit of love in her eyes.

Her parents had always wanted a boy but she was born instead and after some complications of her birth, the doctor succeeded her mother to not make another child if she valued her life. That was how she was raised as a single child, with the weight of everything her parents wanted her to be, on her shoulders.

From the moment she could remember herself, she had always been falling short. No matter what she was to do, it was never done the way her mother wanted it to be. She was not what she wanted her to be like, however she always tried her best to be all those things. 

When other children would run after a ball, she would run to catch up with her mother's aims for her, in hopes of getting a pat on the head from her. A smile, and in her wildest dream, even a hug. 'When I grow up and I get to become good enough, my mother will finally show me some love. If I try enough I will one day have it. I will have my loving family. I will have a home.'

Hope had been the traitor that had kept her walking through hell with an earning heart. Hope had been the lie that had kept her trying. It had kept her in her prison, despite how many blows she was to take, no matter how many times she was to get rejected, no matter how many times her mother had made her feel worthless and no matter how many times she had raised her hands on her, only to caress her after, blaming and guilt-tripping her over the fact that Boram had made her do such a thing to her.

It was her fault that disappointed her, it was her fault that she failed, she made her unhappy and thus she knew there were consequences to that. But with time, there had grown a part of her that didn't hate it when she was to fail meeting her mother's expectations. Because after she would vent her anger on her, Boram would be lucky enough to get her hand to caress her bruised flesh with a bit of tenderness.