Inbetween Two Worlds - Sanegiyuu

4 - A futile attempt

3rd person pov:

The hashira dropped his wooden sword on the ground and sighed heavily, he looked at his hands which were trembling profusely, he clenched his fists and it felt weak. He sat on the soft grass, closing his eyes as enjoyed the soft breeze that tickled his face. He got up and picked up his sword, swinging the sword in a graceful and fierce manner as he perfected the skill he had already mastered. His stomach growled hungrily, interrupting his training. He slammed a fist into his stomach, cursing silently as he swung his sword once more.

...

Giyuu's pov:

I fell to my knees, my clothes were drenched in sweat and my legs felt numb. I looked up at the sky and saw the moon shining brightly in the darkness. My stomach growled and I ignored it. I picked up my sword and headed back inside, I passed my the kitchen and my stomach growled again, I paused and looked at the kitchen, contemplating if I should get something to eat.

You don't deserve to eat you monster.

I sighed and went into my study room, finishing the leftover paper work I had neglected the past few days. My body was exhausted, it was begging me to sleep, to eat, to take a rest, to give myself a mental break but I didn't allow it. I hated it, I hated how weak I became, I'm a demon, I don't need food, I don't need sleep, I don't deserve them, only humans deserve them and I'm no longer a human.

Everything sucks, how can I face the others? How shameless must I be to talk with the others as if I wasn't one of the species that killed their family? I don't want to live like this, I feel dirty, I feel sick, I don't want to be a demon yet why did I become a demon? Was it because I was too weak? Is it because I don't deserve happiness? Is it because the world hates me? Why..? Just why..?

My head was aching and my eyelids were getting heavier, I slapped myself awake, I shouldn't sleep, I need to do my work, I need to fulfil my duty as a hashira while I'm still alive, I need to train to become stronger so that I can defeat kibutsuji.

I mustn't sleep.

I worked, flipping pages after pages of the thick stack of worksheets, scanning the endless lines of words as I tried to comprehend the current situation.

...

How much paperwork do I have left?

I looked to my right and still saw the huge stack, I only managed to do one fifth of the staggering amount of paper work and I sighed. I grunted in pain as my stomach ached horribly, begging for food to calm the acidic digestive fluids. I picked up my pen and started working on the documents again.

...

I heard the chirping of birds and I looked outside, the sun was rising from the east and orange streaks painted the once midnight black sky. I rubbed my eyes and stood up, stretching my back and cracking a couple joints. My butt was sore from sitting down for hours and my legs were cramping. I walked to the kitchen and drank a glass of water, the cooling liquid washed down my parched throat and sent a refreshing sensation throughout my entire body. I inhaled another glass of water, and choked as the clear fluid entered my wind pipe. I covered my mouth and coughed violently, trying to get rid of the water in my lungs. I felt a burning sensation in my lungs, it felt like it was melting from something acidic. There was something warm on my palms and I looked down, it was blood.

Fuck, its probably the wisteria. It has already been 3 days and the poison still isn't out of my system.

I sighed and slammed the cup down on the table. Everything was so infuriatingly stupid.

Why does it have to be me? Why can't it be someone else? Why do I have to live like this? What the fuck did I do in my past life that was so horrible for me to have to suffer like this?

"Fuck" I muttered. I needed something to clear my mind, I needed something to stop my thinking, I needed pain but nothing worked. Nothing fucking works. I looked out of the window and saw the wisteria flower. An idea popped in my mind and I took a kitchen knife, I headed upstairs to my room, keeping my knife to my side as I searched for a blue pouch.

"Found it" I smiled happily and held the pouch in my right hand. I made my way to the toilet and opened the small bag. The smell of wisteria was strong and I gagged at sweet flowery scent. I carefully coated the sharp end on the knife with the wisteria powder, angling it on my arm as I dragged the knife across my forearm. I winced at the pain but I felt happy inside, relief filled my body as I continued, cutting deeper and deeper into my arm. I smiled, laughing happily as tears rolled down my face.

Why is my life like this? Why am I so pathetic? Why can't I deal with this stupid depression? Why do I have to live? Why can't I just die? What has my life become? Why cant I even do the simplest tasks? Why am I a failure? Why was I even born?

I moved on to my other arm, my hands were trembling and the pain stung horribly. The scent of blood filled the air and I felt nauseous, it was sickeningly sweet, I could feel my heart thumping faster and my mouth was salivating.

Why do I have to be so disgusting?

5 cuts

Why doesnt anybody like me?

14 cuts

How do i live?

25 cuts

I dropped the knife and stared at the mirror. I looked disgusting, I look fat, I look ugly. I couldn't find anything likeable I couldn't think of an achievement that I was proud of because all of them were insignificant, I couldn't find a reason to live because there was none. I picked up the knife and held it to my throat, crying as I dragged the knife across the flesh. I pressed deeper and deeper. Blood gushed out, covering my hand with the crimson liquid, I could feel the cold metal blade cutting my blood vessels and I was slowly getting light headed. A sudden pain shot up my arm and I fell to the ground. The knife clattered on the floor, I struggled to breath, my throat felt like it was squeezing and my arms were numb. Dots of black filled my vision, the circles were gradually increasing in size and numbers and soon, I couldn't see anything at all.

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See? I know its hella cringe 😭 HOW DO I WRITE A DEMON AU 😭😭😭