Ruined By You | 18+ | ✓

17: bailey | past

I keep going to therapy because I don't really have a choice. Every time, she asks if today is the day I'm going to speak to her. I usually plop onto the sofa and stare back at her as she watches me, still saying nothing.

I'm not really sure how therapy works, but I don't think it normally goes like this.

The further I've sunk into myself, the more everyone else in my family seems to thrive. It only reaffirms my dark thoughts that they don't need me here. I'm not even sure they want me here.

The starting quarterback for our school's football team got hurt, allowing Hunter his moment to shine with JJ. And what do you know? Hunter is now QB1. JJ has colleges from all over the country coming to watch him play every Friday and I'm happy for him, but I'm not at the same time. Mirabelle made up with Mom and Dad after bringing me and Hunter home so now the five of them can be one big happy family.

The brother duo football stars, the Olympian, and their doting parents.

Kaitlyn has been so busy with cheer since they apparently need to perfect their routine for post season play, so I've barely seen her. I've been dying to talk to her about our kiss. It's all I think about most days. Just kidding, all the time.

I know I'm a fucking wreck, but I want to ask her out. I want her to be the person that will always pay attention to me even when my silence is deafening. She's my best friend, but it's not enough anymore.

Except, I have no idea how to go about any of this.

My hand is poised to knock on Hunter's door so I can ask him what he thinks about all of this. What he thinks I should do. I hate not speaking to him, but like I said, he's still thriving.

My knuckles hit the door twice and Hunter calls a response back, letting me know that it's safe to enter. His eyes widen when he realizes its me and he pauses the video game he's playing. "Are you lost?" He asks, a coldness to his voice that has never been directed at me.

"No." My voice is a little hoarse since I haven't really been using it. The only people I'm willing to talk to are Carter and Kait, yet even that has been sparse. His jaw hangs slightly ajar, letting me know that he hadn't expected me to verbally respond. "Can we talk?" I ask, feeling more and more stupid that I really thought I could go to Hunter about this.

Hunter stands up and tosses his remote into his chair, "I guess we can since you've finally decided to speak to me again." He says harshly and I know I deserve that. "So what is it?"

Don't lose your nerve now. Spit it out.

"I kissed Kait."

And he laughs as if this is the funniest thing he's ever heard. My stomach falls as doubt creeps into my mind. He's right. It is funny because why would she want me? I'm nothing compared to the rest of my family. I started a fire at my childhood home, so blinded with rage that I forgot my sister might have been in there. I'm not good enough for her.

Hunter finally regains control and he looks at me again, "Okay. Good one. Now what do you really want to talk about?"

I swallow the lump in my throat and I try to push the dark intrusive thoughts back as they try to shut me down. "I'm not kidding. I kissed her and I want to ask her out." I'm not even sure how I manage to get the words out.

All of the amusement in his face is gone. "You're serious?"

This is something we've never talked about. I've kept my feelings for her locked inside a tight little vault until Kaitlyn coaxed them out that night. I guess I should have thrown away the key before that could happen.

"Yeah."

"Did you think this through at all? What happens if she says no? It's not like you can avoid her because with our families, Kaitlyn is always going to be around. She's not going away." Hunter says, shaking his head. "And if she says yes? What then? Again, if things go bad, she is always going to be around. You're better off pretending that kiss never happened Bailey."