mha sick fics (angst)

panic attack (hawks and dabi, not necessarily shipped?) 📖

📖: read Jetstream on my profile! It expands on this story :)

(request) (type of relationship wasn't specified, I don't actually ship this so I wrote it platonically but it's actually really good so still read and vote please 🩷🩷🩷🩷) also thanks for 50k reads!

(Technically, I realize now this is chapter 299 spoilers. But it's just hawks backstory so if you wanna wait for anime coverage for it go ahead and skip, but it's no plot spoilers)

Abuse.

Today was the day hawks realized he knew nothing but abuse. He had never felt real love or affection from anyone.

He thought he had with the commission. But it had been just as bad as his parents.

Constant work. Neglect.

The hero commission had stripped his childhood away from him. His life away from him. His parents hadn't done any better.

He always wondered where his panic attacks stemmed from. Why he was so jumpy. Why he seemed to have the instincts of a gentle dove rather than a fierce, collected hawk like everyone expected. Why he would rather choose flight over fight most days, but he had to stay and fight anyways.

He felt like he was choking on how trapped he felt. How left out. How secluded.

The rest of society had the chance to feel loved. To feel personally loved. To love themselves even.

While hawks was flying over the city, his felt a tight pull in his chest as he realized everyone in this city had the opportunity to love themselves.

And while flying over the city, Hawks realized he hated himself. He felt like everything he did was wrong all the time. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew people cared about him, but no one cared about him.

No one's life would be changed if he weren't there. He wasn't special to anyone. His interns could get on without him. Hero society could get on without him. He was an unnecessary piece in the puzzle. An excessive step in a well thought out plan. Just waiting for someone to cut him out again and then scoop him up and morph him into something else he thought could be good for him but wasn't.

Hawks loved being a hero. But he hated himself. He hated that he knew he wasn't good enough to be a hero, no matter what people said.

As he flew, his whole body began to shake. His wings felt weak and unsteady and he felt himself flying sideways against his will, only worsening his panic.

He crashed harshly into an alleyway, skidding across the cement, successfully dislocating his shoulder, hyperventilating. Soon he was sobbing.

"Shit."

"Shit shit shit shit shit."

He kept repeating as he descended into a full blown panic attack. He couldn't breathe at all. His panic only worsened when someone came out of the shadows calmly.

"Hawks?" The figure asked.

"Shit." He said, trying to breathe, but he was unsuccessful. His wings were sprawled out and bent awkwardly from the crash. Everything hurt.

He tried to get up from the ground but collapsed into sobs. He tried to flap his wings to get out, to get away, but he couldnt. In that moment he gave up.

"What the fuck happened to you?" The man asked.

Hawks kept hyperventilating and sobbing. He knew this was a villain named Dabi. They were "working together" on what was (to hawks) a new infiltration plan being hatched by the hero public safety commission.