Chrysalis Days & Butterfly Nights [Wattys 2023 Shortlist]

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29

Weeks had passed since the day Andy had found out about Luke's fledgling new life without word or any contact whatsoever. Luke had put his house up for sale. He couldn't stand to live next door to Graham a moment longer than he had to, even though the creepy neighbour hadn't approached Luke again, or revealed Luke's secret. That single day had corrupted Luke's feeling of safety and comfort within the home he had shared with Elaine and not even those deeply important memories made the place feel like home any longer.

Dressing became a daily occurrence and his wardrobe had expanded, Luke finding a style that he felt suited him, and his make-up skills had improved along the way. Several nights a week he spent at Butterfly and he had grown closer with his two new friends, Helen and Krystal, but they couldn't replace the friendship he had lost.

Work became another problem. After the Christmas and New Year rush, work began to dry up and redundancies were in the offering. Despite having worked there his entire adult life, Luke put his name forward and the management, reluctantly, accepted. In the long run, it made things easier. With the length of time he had worked there, he could look forward to a hefty redundancy payment and, along with the money he would receive from the sale of his house, Luke could pick and choose where he wanted to relocate.

On his last day, he handed the keys to his van into the office for the last time and management made an effort to say goodbye, along with a number of colleagues that Luke had worked beside for years. Andy didn't attend. That hurt more than having to wrench himself away from a job that had become almost a part of him.

In Butterfly, that night, Luke watched as Helen strode across the stage, even more larger than life than in her usual clothes. Everything dialled up to maximum. Sequins and glitter caught the bright spotlights, sparkling and winking as Helen mimed along to a tune she had mimed dozens of times. Heels and wig so tall, she threatened to scrape the ceiling, high above. The dress clung to every curve of Helen's body, canary yellow, skirt split to the very edge of propriety revealing those magnificent, long legs that beguiled and mesmerised the audience. An audience that had dwindled more and more.

Luke hadn't dressed to visit Butterfly. Not once. The incident at the reservoir still lay heavy upon his mind, not to mention the little things, those passing events that told him that people like him weren't wanted in 'normal' society. Even Helen suffered the insults and side-long glances, and, other than her immense height, she looked as feminine, more, as any cis woman. Of course, she couldn't care less and never would. Luke's skin was not nearly as thick. He did dress, on occasion, in the confines of Helen and Krystal's flat, but even that would come to an end far too soon.

"Oh, why don't we all rent a house together?" Krystal paused her loud sucking of her drink through the long, fluorescent straw, dipped into the wide bowl of a glass that held her drink. "I could do your make-up all the time! Helen would love it!"

"I think I'd get a little annoyed at her constant stream of men. She's loud." That was only a little exaggeration and Krystal laughed at that. "I'd like my own place. Somewhere out of the way, I think. With a garden and a wall."

It wasn't a constant stream of men, though Helen did have a seemingly insatiable sexual appetite. But, Luke, as Lucinda, had received more than a few offers to join in with Helen and her beau-de-jour while visiting the flat. Luke still didn't know what he wanted, sexually, but he still felt more attracted to women, even while dressed.

Despite the air of gaiety within Butterfly, Luke rarely enjoyed himself as much as he wished to. Thanks to the venue, he had met more and more people that fell into the trans spectrum. From full-transition women that still wanted to keep a connection to the community that had supported them, to those men that wore panties under their clothes, never wanting to become anything else.