Chrysalis Days & Butterfly Nights [Wattys 2023 Shortlist]

10

10

The last year of school and Luke didn't want it to end. Not because he liked school, it was fine. Boring, but fine. No. He dreaded school coming to an end because of what lay ahead. No college or university stretched out his future, his grades were middling and the subjects he was good at weren't good for any career. Instead, his dad had arranged an apprenticeship, through a friend-of-a-friend, in electronics with a security firm.

His mum had protested, wanting Luke to pursue what he wanted to pursue, but dad, being dad, had insisted. No son of his would become an actor or, worse, a singer. Passion meant nothing to him, only hard work, money in the pocket and Luke doing as he was told. And Luke didn't have the self-awareness to push back against any of it.

That his father had 'allowed' Luke to participate in the school's drama club could only have come down to pressure from Luke's mum and he would always appreciate that. Luke's father had begrudgingly agreed, as long as it didn't impact upon Luke's studies. His 'proper' studies. It was Luke's sanctuary. A place and a time for him to be himself for once. At least, a part of himself. He still struggled to understand other parts that continued to twist in his mind. That time with Christina had stuffed those feelings down, but they had crept up over the years. A sibilant whisper always tickling his ear.

Now, at the end of the year, the culmination of the drama club's hard work approached, but there were problems. As puberty had set in, fewer and fewer girls attended the club. In fact, fewer people all around had interest in participating, but there were enough to stage the play. Some boys, however, would have to play the parts of women. Luke had secretly wished to have one of those parts assigned to him and, as the other boys mumbled, twiddled thumbs and fidgeted their feet, Luke's wishes came true.

What was more, Allen had had one of those parts thrust upon him, too. Allen proved a quandary for Luke. Through his short life, he had liked several girls, but never had a real girlfriend. The day Allen had arrived, moved from a different town, Luke had begun to question everything. Whenever Allen came to the drama club, feelings erupted within Luke he had never felt for another boy. Not that he could remember. Feelings that felt exactly the same as those he had felt for all those girls he had liked. It confused and excited him.

Much taller than Luke, and still growing, with rich, smooth dark hair, deep, deep brown eyes and lush lips, Allen had the kind of good looks that, if he ever decided to take acting serious, he would get parts through his looks alone. Luke fancied him as much as he had fancied any girl. Yet, he had spoken to the boy on only rare occasions, not wanting to make a fool of himself or, worse, get beaten up for his feelings. He had seen that happen before, to others, and didn't want it to happen to him.

The parts they had been given forced them together, however, and Luke struggled through. Learning lines together, practicing, getting close. It gave Luke thrills in the same way he had had with girls. A need to be close to Allen. A fascination with everything he said and did. It didn't seem as though Allen felt the same way, though, so Luke had had to keep it all to himself, dreaming about it at night and feeling guilty in the mornings.

On the first day of dress rehearsals, Luke and Allen had to share a room alone, separate from the both the other boys and girls. To 'maintain the illusion' the drama teacher had said. Luke didn't mind. After the class make-up artist had finished their work, transforming Luke's and Allen's faces into something resembling femininity, it was time to put on their costumes. Medieval dresses that they had to help each other to put on.

Except. After the make-up girl had left, Allen had helped Luke into his dress and then stopped. He had turned away, not even attempting to get into his dress. Luke had hesitated to ask, they still barely spoke. Then, in a flurry, Allen had turned around, grabbing Luke's shoulders, and kissed him. Luke didn't protest, couldn't, because he wanted the kiss, too. He felt something else. Pressing against him. Thrusting against him.