Chrysalis Days & Butterfly Nights [Wattys 2023 Shortlist]

21

21

Helen remained true to her word. Sat in the national burger chain, tucking into a cheeseburger that looked and tasted exactly the same as every one he had tasted in other franchises, the sameness comforting and boring at the same time, Luke itched to go through the bags of shopping they had accumulated.

With an almost visceral insistence, Helen had stated they were not to buy underwear from a charity shop. She acknowledged they were probably cleaned to within an inch of their existence, but she would not move from her stance. In truth, Luke felt much the same, but he would prefer to order underwear online, not browse for them in shops. The shocked looks, hooded glances and blatant stares had proven his point. No-one had come out as verbally abusive as the woman in the charity shop, but the intent was the same. They didn't belong. They were invaders in an exclusive environment of secrecy and decorum.

Of course, Helen hadn't cared. Lifting bra and panty sets, holding them against Luke and oohing and cooing at some of the more risqué designs, with little regard to their surroundings, or Luke's continued embarrassment. Items were chosen, paid for and talked about as though they were buying a pack of beer for a night in.

While Helen visited the toilet, Luke's hand continued to fall to the side, touching the paper bags that contained, not only the shoes and underwear, but also three dresses, of varying designs. He wanted to wear them. Were he alone, he would have rushed home already, closing the curtains in the middle of the day to try out the new additions to his wardrobe. He couldn't, though. Not yet. It appeared Helen still had more places to go on her list for a day that had started to drift towards evening.

With the cheeseburger well and truly demolished, he turned to the large fries. Poking one in the little tub of sauce, he considered the events that had already occurred on the day. He already felt as though he had spent weeks in Helen's company, so much had happened. The thought that lingered, however, was the incident with Clarisse. So much had remained unspoken in that warehouse, despite everything that Helen and Clarisse had said. There was more to that relationship than Helen sleeping with Clarisse's boyfriend. Far more than revealed.

"Eat up. Lot's to do." With reckless abandon, Helen dropped into the booth opposite Luke, reaching over and stealing some of his fries, even though she had her own, growing cold, at her side of the table. "You look thoughtful."

"Just wondering about your relationship with Clarisse." He frowned as she stole another bunch of fries and reached over to her side, stealing a similar amount in response. She laughed at that. "I get the feeling you both loved each other at one point."

"Still do. I doubt I'd be me if not for her. Maybe not even here. Things got rough, she helped me through." She brushed a hand through the expansive curls of her wig and shrugged. "What she wanted and what I wanted diverged. She wanted me to continue modelling for her, I wanted to have copious amounts of sex and have fun."

"Seems like you should talk. If you still care about each other." He understood the hypocrisy all too well. He should talk to Andy, he knew full well. Right now, he needed the loo. "I'll be back in a sec. Don't eat all my fries."

Upon his return, he saw the box of fries empty and, with a grin, Helen pushed her box across to his side. That was her. Tell her not to do something and she took it as a challenge. He could see how that could both annoy people and also be more than a little attractive. She acted as though she had no cares, but, clearly, she did. The visit to the toilet, however, had brought more questions.

"Your phone buzzed. I considered peeking, but I've done enough of that already." She stole another fry from the box she had passed to his side.

"When you went to the toilet, which one did you use?" He ignored the talk of his phone. It could only be Andy, Luke's reply making him think they were okay. That hypocrisy still holding sway. "I mean, I'm not 'there' yet. I don't know if I ever will be, but it worries me. I can fully understand people being bothered about a trans person using the women's toilets, but what about the trans person? How safe are they going to be in the men's?"