Chrysalis Days & Butterfly Nights [Wattys 2023 Shortlist]

25

25

When Helen reappeared from the bathroom, wearing a sports bra and loose bottoms, rolled down over her hips, he still recognised her, despite the fact she had no make-up on. Her eyes were unmissable. So were those lips. She rubbed a hand through her short, blonde hair and jumped over the back of the sofa, landing heavily. She sat there, head laid back, her eyes closed. Only for a second or two, though. Her eyes snapped open as she jumped back to her feet with a deep sigh.

"This. These. Definitely these and ... these. Off you pop." With only the barest of looks, Helen had selected a number of items, including the glass-like shoes, shoving them into Luke's arms. He hadn't even moved. "Use the bathroom. Don't take your time, you've made us late enough as it is."

"I don't ..." He tried to protest as Helen began prodding him in the back, pushing him toward the bathroom. He planted his feet, picking at one of the items. "I don't wear stockings. This isn't a kink for me. That much I do know."

To the side, Krystal continued a giggle that had started when Helen had accused him of making them late. She knew very well who the real culprit for any lateness was and it wasn't Luke. She giggled even more at his forlorn expression as he held up the stockings with only his finger and thumb. He had worn tights, but only because they hid his legs, slightly muscular from playing football.

"Oh, darling, there's nothing kinky about stockings. That's all in the minds of repressed pearl-clutchers. Besides, these are hold-ups. No suspenders required." She continued to prod him and he worried that she might end up carrying him to the bathroom. "Also, with that dress, you'll want them on. It'll make the whole ensemble sparkle."

Resigned to his fate, but also a little giddy about wearing a new outfit, Luke began to trudge toward the bathroom. As he entered, his nose became assaulted by a series of different scents, all clashing and trying to capture his attention. On a shelf, he saw rows of perfumes and each of them looked expensive. He hadn't really thought about perfumes and put it on his mental future purchase list. As he laid the dress across the bathroom cabinet, Helen barged in. Again.

"A little privacy?" He doubted whether she would have blinked an eye if he were naked. Those kinds of things didn't seem to register with her. "I'll put the hold-ups on, okay."

"No, it's not that." She made a little glance out of the door and closed it to before continuing, her voice lower. "I should mention, Krystal has a lot of problems. She's suffered a lot, but she's also dissociative of her trauma. She'll act like it's all nothing, but she's constantly on a knife's edge, you understand. She'll mention her past as though it's nothing. I'm paying for her therapy, but try not to engage with anything she says about it. It's not for us to discuss, you know?"

"Okay. I did wonder. She mentioned it so matter-of-factly." Luke looked toward the door and his heart felt a little heavier. "Poor girl."

Helen kissed his cheek, pinched it and then left the bathroom again. It left Luke, once again, realising that everything that had happened to him, others had suffered worse. Deacon, Krystal, even the trans woman at the coast. Luke hadn't experienced half of what they had and it made him feel more than a little like an imposter. As Deacon had said, however, it wasn't a competition. It still saddened Luke at the state of the world they lived in.

It always seemed like society made strides forward, only for everything to fall back again, leaving lives only marginally better. As he dressed, his mind wandering as he tugged on and fastened the underwear, he thought about the stories he had read on T-Connekt. The tales of what life was like for gay people in the seventies and early-eighties, the struggles they had fought against. Things were better, but prejudices and bigotry had shifted to even more marginalised people, the trans community. A new fight against the same rhetoric, repackaged and regurgitated against a minority with few allies.