Chrysalis Days & Butterfly Nights [Wattys 2023 Shortlist]

26

Part Three - Butterfly

26

The ambulance shook as they hit another pothole, but the paramedic continued to work. He hadn't stopped from the moment they had arrived at the scene and Luke didn't expect him to stop until they reached the hospital and handed over Elaine to the doctors and nurses of the A&E. Luke could do nothing but sit there, like the useless idiot he was. He couldn't even hold her hand.

"Elaine. Please, please don't leave me." He edged forward but the paramedic's back covered his sight. "I love you. I do. I need you. Please fight. Please!"

"That's good. Keep talking to her." He said that, but the paramedic had started to tire as he made more compressions on Elaine's chest. "She can hear you. Keep talking."

He did, but another pothole nudged the ambulance and gave Luke a look at Elaine. Her skin had already become gray and puffy, the air pumped into her wasn't helping her at all. Neither were the chest compressions and Luke felt certain the paramedic knew what Luke guessed. Elaine was already gone. He still talked. Still told he loved her. Still pleaded with her.

The car had come from nowhere, the driver not even attempting to brake, or swerve, until after they had hit Elaine. Luke had watched in helpless disbelief as the car screeched to a halt thirty, nearly forty feet after they had hit Elaine. The driver had got out, crying that Elaine had run out in front of her, but Elaine had been on the other side of the road. Luke had stood on the driver's side. She hadn't hit him. She should have hit him, instead.

He remembered falling to his knees, after standing and staring for far too long, pulling Elaine up onto his lap, brushing hair sticky with blood from her face and he had known, right there, that his wife had already died. Still the paramedic had tried to save her. Luke would never forget that. He would remember that man's unflinching, unstoppable efforts to try to save Elaine.

"Elaine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said to you that I shouldn't. I'm sorry for every time I didn't show you the attention you deserved." His hand reached out to touch her one last time, but pulled back as the paramedic shifted position. "I'm sorry I couldn't be a better husband. If you come back to me, I promise I'll do better. I promise I'll be better. Please, don't leave me. I love you."

He knew the words were pointless, but he spoke them anyway. He had to. If he didn't say them now, he would never have the chance to say them again. Once the ambulance reached the hospital, they took Elaine from him, guided him to an empty room where he sat, alone, for far too long. It didn't even occur to him to call anyone. Only to sit and wait and wait.

When the nurse came in, he knew what she was about to say. When she said they had tried everything they could to keep her alive, she wasn't lying or exaggerating. When she said there was too much damage, Luke knew that was true, too. He didn't believe it, but he knew it was all true.

It took far too long for it to truly sink in and his screaming sobs had caused neighbours to knock upon his door, shouting whether he was alright. Of course he wasn't alright. He'd never be alright ever again.

-+-

It was the same hospital. The same Accident and Emergency department. He could swear they were all the same nurses, but, by the time he had arrived, it wasn't the A&E where he needed to be. Guided by people who had far more important things to do, Luke ran through the hospital corridors as fast as he could.

He had left Helen's flat in a rush but not before she had insisted he get changed and cleaned up. It was the right call, but he still felt as though it took too much time. He didn't even say goodbye and thank you to Helen and Krystal, barging out of their flat, running down the flights of stairs. Surprising himself by remembering the way. He passed several people as he had run and a passing wonder of where Helen and Krystal actually lived became discarded as he burst through the door, out into the alley.