Insatiable [h.s]

70

My body, stiff from my thoughts, fell instantly at peace against her as she softly played with my hair. My eyes fluttered shut, my breathing slowing as I relished in her careful touch.

"Goodmorning." My voice came out hushed.

"Goodmorning, baby." Her soft voice laced with sleep rang out, gracing my ears.

At her simple choice of words my chest felt heavy and it did that weird fluttering feeling. I can't describe the feeling I get when she uses that word associated to me. It just feels... right. Like it belongs there.

Fucking hell— that doesn't even make sense, does it?

The first times she called me baby was when I got to the house from drive from Oregon. She had come out of the bathroom just as I was walking into the room and I had been up for days at that point. My father had interrogated me, I was fucking worried about Rori and my mind was kind of in a whirlwind.

Before I knew it I had reached my breaking point.

I never thought I would let another person see me cry— I didn't know that I even could cry anymore.

I had become so used to the void, so used to not feeling. I had grown so accustomed to the fact that I couldn't feel things such as sadness or happiness.

So when my throat became choked up and my eyes glossed over it terrified me. The feeling of immensity washed over me and I felt like I was drowning. The weight of everything I've done, everything I've put the people I care about through— Everything hit me.

It made me feel like I was dying.

That might seem dramatic but the crushing weight of guilt built up after ten years felt like it was more than I could handle. Before I knew it my legs couldn't even hold me up anymore. My knees gave out and I was crashing down in front of Rori.

All I wanted in that moment was to hold her, to feel her skin on mine and even if it was just for a second, I knew it would help feel like the weight was lifted off of me.

Then she said those words. Those heavenly words that I still nearly believe was my own imagination conjuring it up. She said, "We'll be alright, baby." And I swear I've never believed someone's words more in my life.

She wasn't repulsed by me. She didn't hate me or turn away from me.

She saw my darkness and took me for who I am. She understands me in a way that I don't quite yet even understand myself.

She is everything.

"Your hair is getting long." Rori mumbled out with sleep still heavily evident in her voice.

"I know..."  I agreed, "I should probably cut it soon."

It was true, my hair hasn't been this long in a while. It falls into my eyes all of the time and is just a few weeks away from being too long to keep pushed back anymore.

I hardly had time to finish my words before Rori was spitting out, "No. Please don't cut it." Her fingers still loosely playing with a few stray curls. "I really like it."

I smiled against her, my ears growing hot at her small confession. I tilted my head up to look at her, her eyes cast down towards me as I did so. Our eyes met and the feeling in my chest began to ache, my body physically aching for me to break the small distance between us and kiss her.

"Okay, I won't cut it then." I agreed.

"Good." She smiled, her eyes ghosting down to my lips as she did.

Instinctively my body leaned into her, my lips yearning for the touch of her own.

My eyes had just began to shut, my body ready to relish in the feeling of her own, when a loud bang at my bed room door caused us both to jump.