Insatiable [h.s]

30

My therapist once told me about the term, fight or flight.

She said, "The fight or flight response, or stress response, is triggered by a release of hormones either prompting us to stay and fight or run away and flee from whatever it is that is threatening us. During the response all bodily systems are working to keep us alive in what we've perceived as a dangerous situation."

I remember thinking in that moment that something was wrong with me. I felt like I didn't fit in either of those categories given the fact that I've never been able to feel the fight or flight emotion.

Instead, when I'm scared I freeze.

And I guess my therapist could tell by the look on my face because she added, "However, there is a third option to the fight or flight response that we don't talk about as often, and this is called freeze. The freeze response occurs when our brains decide we cannot take on the threat nor are we able to escape. Often when this happens our bodies might remain still, unable to move, essentially frozen. We may feel as if we are not actually a part of our bodies at that moment."

Apparently there are benefits from having the freezing response to fear.

One, freezing releases endorphins which serve to calm the body and are also pain relievers meaning you can more easily handle a difficult event.

Two, freezing allows one to block out a scary experience that may be too difficult to process.

But none of that helped me. When I would freeze, I couldn't move for what felt like minutes on end. My mom and dad would get in fights and I'd just stand there frozen in fear unable to move.

Or Dylan would start in a screaming rage and all I could do was stand there and stare at him, my eyes bulging as I silently begged for my body to move so that I could run.

With more research I found that grounding, or bringing your mind back to the present, is extremely helpful when one engages in a freeze response.

Inhale a strong scent like lavender or peppermint, snap a rubber band against your wrist or something that will induce a slight pain, rub your hands together, touch an object with a soft and soothing texture or state a positive mantra out loud as many times as you can.

Supposedly those techniques distract you from any anxiety or stress you might feel and bring you back into the present.

But it never worked for me. I never had the opportunity to try since I literally couldn't move.

"Brought someone with me. Her name is, Rori." Harrys head turned to me and he stepped aside from the door. "I think you might already know who they are."

My eyes landed on a group of four guys— the four guys that I came here tonight to see.

Instantly I felt my body freeze. Fear and anxiety falling over me as my eyes settled onto the people I've cherished for so long.

"Hi." Luke smiled, his dark blonde curls falling a few inches above his shoulders.

I willed myself to speak, pleaded for words to come out but no matter how hard I tried, nothing happened. I squeezed my hands into tight fists with my nails biting at the skin of my palms, my hands shaking from how intensely I squeezed, yet I still couldn't move other than that. I still couldn't speak.

"You guys planning on staying out there?" Michael spoke from where he sat on the counter across the room from Luke.

My eyes flashed over all four of them, my mind feeling like it was playing a trick on me still. There's no way I could actually be here right now, right? I must have fallen and hit my head while walking in the hallway with Harry and this is just a daydream I'm having while knocked out.