Roman

25

♡ Roman ♡

I pulled on a white waffle print long sleeve undershirt before throwing on a random baggy white short sleeve shirt that had some printing along the front. Slipping on some baggy dark washed jeans I tried to find some shoes eventually deciding on my high top green and white Nike dunks. After pulling on some random jewellery I turned back to my mirror.

I cringed at the sight of the deep bags underneath my eyes. Taking a breath I looked toward the door.

Today was my first day back at school. It was about a week or so from a short school break so I'm not sure why I'm really going back but Remy wanted me to. Augustus too, he said he got lonely being there all by himself and that the twin's company didn't count.

So now here I am ready to leave while debating if I should actually go or just hang out on the roof of the school.

I release my grip from around the sink and head back into my room grabbing my Walkman, and cigs.

Heading downstairs all I can hear is talking so I assume everyone's out on the patio. I awkwardly walk toward them before dropping my bag and heading to the seat beside the twins. Not before shrugging on my headphones.

Sitting down I reach for the coffee but a hand reaches out and skims across my fingers in attempt to get my attention. My gaze sets upward meeting Cyrille's eyes.

I pull my headphones back now able to hear the awkward silence that encased the table. Looking around I noticed that everyone was looking at me.

Sitting back my mind started to race.

What's going on?

"Roman?" I hummed in response.

"Did you sleep well?" Cyrille asked softly. I hummed once again.

My hands started shaking and fingers picking at the skin surrounding them. Suddenly a warm large hand encased around mine, drawing my attention to Laurent beside me smiling softly.

"Roman?" I heard once again. I looked up to see Remy looking at me softly.

"Yes?" I asked nervously.

"I know it must be stressful going back to school today and I don't mean to add to that but I want to discuss a bit about some things"

"Ok"

"I'd really appreciate it if while your at school you could try to be present, so no headphones and be sure to pay attention please."

I nodded in reply.

As Remy said that all I could feel was at fault for all their pain. I've caused them so much and literally all of it is my fault, they can't even send me off to school without wondering if while I'm there I'll actually be there. And it's my fault, I caused them to have to wonder those things, to constantly worry.

My eyes left Remy's as they focused back on my hands in my lap. I can't stand to look in his eyes anymore, even after how good things have gotten, every time I do I just see how much I've already disappointed them. And I don't know why I can't get back to my mindset a week or so ago when everything was so good, I was happier, they were happier. And now I'm not and I'm starting to hurt them again.

I see all of them exchange glances before the twins finally say that we have to get going or else we're going to be late. I silently stand up with them and walk toward the kitchen, pulling my backpack over my shoulder and pulling my headphones over my ears. We walk toward the elevator and get in, Remy and Cyrille standing in the living room yelling goodbye. They frantically wave with goofy grins on their faces and just as the door to the elevator starts to close I raise my hand and wave goodbye. Their grins expand at my action.