My L̶o̶v̶e̶l̶y̶ Roommate (Mxm)

Chapter 14: My Dignity

A/N: Oct 9, 2022

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I fell asleep leaning against the radiator, waking up from time to time, but overall, I hardly got any sleep.

"He's fucking crazy," I grumbled miserably.

I leaned against the wall, tilting my head back to stare out the open window. For some reason, there was another person other than Jax that filled my mind.

Toby.

Most of what happened last night was still a haze, and I doubt I'd be able to recollect everything, but oddly enough, a few things remained crystal clear. My left hand, the one that wasn't handcuffed, fell to my waist, over the exact area Toby put his hand around me last night when guiding me out of the washroom. It was almost as if I could still feel the warmth of his fingers that seeped past the fabric of my shirt, the light scent of faded cologne tickling my nostrils. He held onto me and made sure I wouldn't fall, and his grip was firm but gentler. The way he smiled and promised that everything was going to be okay with that deep, soothing voice of his still sent chills down my spine. The feeling was new to me. It was something I'd never felt with Jax.

But a frustrated groan escaped my prickly throat, feeling the taut heat of my skin around my cheeks. The images were vivid, and it shocked me how they came so suddenly. When I arrived in his dorm room, I remember dancing and prancing around, trying to strip naked while tripping over things, getting back on my feet only to stumble again.

I was a complete mess when I was drunk and tended to take my clothes off, so I shouldn't have been surprised when I woke up wearing nothing but boxers. But I was now almost 100% that nothing had happened between Toby and me. Firstly, he didn't seem like the type of guy to take advantage of someone else in that situation. Secondly, my butthole didn't throb or feel sore. And thirdly, he was straight.

I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them, lips pursed. Guilt crept up my chest and weighed on my shoulders. Last night was the second time he helped me, and I left without thanking him for the second time. He's been nothing but kind, yet not once have I thanked him.

"Toby," I murmured his name under my breath just to hear the syllables aloud and how they'd fit into my ears. I felt the muscles near my lips pull upwards, my eyes focusing on something in the distance.

Wait, why am I smiling?

I bit my lower lip scornfully.

No, no, no, I know what you're doing Ji Hoon, and no, don't. Don't fall for someone like him. He's a straight man. He said that loud and clear last night. Besides, he deserves to be someone much better than- My eyes trailed towards my bruised wrist that was still in handcuffs -Me.

I ran a hand over my face, closing my eyes as my head hung. My heart was thudding heavily within my chest, and a torrent of emotions rose inside.

Someone like Toby deserves to be with a kind, beautiful woman who could give him things I couldn't.

But what made me even more miserable was that I wasn't talking about Toby anymore.

My ears perked up when the front door lock turned, and my back straightened immediately. The door opened and Jax stepped in, his blond hair looking just as perfect as it did when he left. They made me think of golden wheat fields under a late autumn light or streaks of sunlight when dawn arose. A golden child with a heart made of steel, an innocent mask to hide a mind full of cruel and sadistic desires. He greeted me with a smile that flashed across his face as if seeing his roommate locked in a room was completely normal. As much as I hated seeing him, I couldn't deny the fact that his presence made me feel relieved. My mouth was almost too dry to speak, and then I croaked out, "Took you long enough."

"'Miss me?" he chimed, taking off his velvet jacket and revealing his well-built body that tightened around his shirt. I started getting anxious when he unbuttoned the edges of his sleeves, rolling them up as if he was getting prepared to do something.

"Yeah, just as much as my parents miss me," I smirked, irony overlapping my tone. When I tried to get out, he stood at the door, blocking my path. I haven't been able to go to the bathroom since I woke up, and I desperately needed to go. But Jax's blue eyes sparkled with evilness, giving me a nonchalant shrug.

"Move," I hissed. But he wouldn't budge.

"Jax," I hissed impatiently, shifting on the floor to hold back the urge to pee. I tried to push him back but he wouldn't budge.

"I really need to go."

"Then go."

Frustration built up. "I CAN'T!" I yelled angrily.

Jax let out a fake gasp, his lips extending upwards. "Did you just raise your voice at me?"

My eyes narrowed, teeth grinding against one another. "No," I deadpanned.

"And now you're lying," he mused, cocking a brow, having fun stalling time. "You know how much I hate liars."

I scoffed, "How do you live with yourself every day?"

"The same way you look at yourself in the mirror," he said. Jax always had a sharper mind and tongue than me. I was playing a game that I was doomed to lose. "You want me to get out?"

"Yes," I answered in a heartbeat.

"Are you going to forgive me then?" he asked. My eyes widened, blood draining down my face in horror, confusion, and embarrassment. I stared at him. Lost in his blue eyes, I felt like I was drowning. He chuckled, and I flinched when he raised his hand, but he didn't hit me. Instead, he gently tousled my hair before stepping aside.

"Go use the bathroom," he murmured. I shot him a glare but scurried past him, wondering why my heart was beating so fast.

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