Stars Constant | S. Harrington

36: Letting Go

This Isn't You - Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein

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LETTING GO
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(TW // minor mention of death and abuse)

Gwen pulls her shirt back over her head and sits at the edge of Steve's bed picking at her fingernails with her elbows resting on her knees, waiting for Steve to come back from the bathroom. They had come back from a date a few hours ago. Steve's parents are away on a business trip as usual, so the privacy is very appreciated.

It's been a few weeks since the dance, and things have really calmed down in town. The press had quickly lost interest in Hawkins. Gwen wants to say she's surprised they moved on so fast, but that's what they always do when tragedies occur. Cover it, and move on like nothing happened.

Steve walks back into the room with a smile on his face, but the smile melts away when he takes in Gwen's troubled expression. "Hey," he sits down next to Gwen and pulls her hands into his to stop her from picking her nails. "Why are you upset? Did I do something wrong?"

"No. No, of course not," Gwen answers quickly. "I've just been thinking... and I think I'm ready to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Steve asks, rubbing circles on her hands with his thumbs.

"Everything," Gwen gently pulls her hands away and shifts on the bed so she's facing Steve and he does the same. "About the lab, and about Ten. Just everything."

Steve takes in her troubled expression with a soft look on his face. "You can tell me anything."

Gwen has wanted to tell someone about everything for a while, it just never felt like the right time and she never felt ready to admit to herself that her past really happened and wasn't just some horrible nightmare. She genuinely feels safe and comfortable with Steve as they've shared almost every part of themselves with each other.

Now, it's time to share the final skeleton in Gwen's closet.

Gwen takes a deep breath to calm herself down. "So, you know that I was experimented on," she starts and Steve nods. "Well, they weren't always simple experiments where they'd have me access memories and tell them what I saw. It was like that at first... but after a while they got more sinister. More cruel. They'd make me..."

Gwen shakes her head while Steve waits patiently. He can't imagine how hard it is for her to talk about her trauma.

"...One day, they brought in a cage with two rats inside," she continues. "They told me to make one hurt the other, and I had to do it or I'd be sent to solitary, but that's a whole other thing," Gwen plays with the bottom of her shirt. "When I was in that place, my favorite thing to do was travel my mind outside of the walls. I found a lot of animals, but my favorite to watch were rabbits... So, you can imagine my horror when they came in with a cage of bunnies," she spits out the last part with a sharp tongue. "It was like they were trying to break me. They made these small incisions, slowly, precisely, and then bled them out until there was nothing left. And it worked, because that day, every mental wall that I had put up to protect myself crumbled."

It hurts Steve to listen to the torment Gwen has gone through. The girl he loves speaking like she's back at that place, with so much anger and sadness... it's almost unbearable. But his job is to listen right now, and that's what he intends to do.

"That night, Ten told me that it was time. Time to finally leave. We had a plan for a while, but we never actually went through with it because if they caught us, there's no doubt that they would've killed us," Gwen continues. "Ten had a power where she could control technology, so she used that to disable the security cameras and I used my power to get one of the guards to let us out."

Gwen inhales a shaking breath, dreading to say the next part out loud.

"I... I thought we were fine. We made it through the hallways unnoticed and actually got out of the building without turning any heads, but when we got to the fence... that's when the alarms went off. I could see the guards running, but Ten pushed me forward. She used her powers to disable the electric wiring on the fence and pushed me over. I wanted to wait for her but she told me to run. I was so scared so I did..." Gwen croaks out. "I heard the gunshots when I got into the tree line."

Steve gently moves next to Gwen and pulls her into her arms when her face crumbles. Hot tears leave Gwen's waterline to stream down her face while Steve squeezes her in reassurance.

"I didn't see it happen, but I know she's dead," she cries while Steve rubs her back. "It took me so long to stop blaming myself. I was only 12, I was a child, but that doesn't make it hurt any less... And I didn't tell you for so long because I..." she sighs. "I don't know. Thinking about it makes me feel weak and pathetic."

Steve tightens his hold on her and kisses the top of her head. "You're not weak or pathetic."

"I know," Gwen nods. "The rational part of my brain knows that, but I can't help it."

"Gwen, look at me," Steve says. Gwen tilts her head and waits for him to continue. "You're strong and you're brave and I'm so proud of you for telling me. Thank you for telling me."

Gwen sniffles and gives Steve a small smile along with a nod.

"I love you so much," Steve says.

"I love you," Gwen leans her head on Steve's chest.

They stay like that for the rest of the night, eventually falling asleep in each others arms.

The past may hurt like a bitch, but Gwen's proud of herself for talking to Steve. She's finally able to admit to herself that the past really happened, and in doing that, the power that the past holds over her can start to break, slowly but surely. She had spent years hating herself for things that were out of her control. Maybe that's why she made her morning routine so mechanical and precise; to feel a sense of security that she hasn't had for years.

Maybe letting go of that control is for the best.

—an

That's season two done!!

What did you think about this chapter?

I'm incredibly excited for season 3. ROBIN CONTENT!!!!!

Word Count: 1128