Family Comes First

Chapter 22: Have Trust, Not Questions

 The throbbing in my hand kept me awake. Jimmy had stitched my skin back together and then wrapped it up in gauze. I was lying on my back with my hand resting on my chest.

My mind was repeating Tommy's threats. He was going to continue to harass me until he got his own wife. That wouldn't be for another two years. I could not wait that long.

Jimmy was curled up on his side facing away from me. I reached out and put my good hand on his shoulder. I'd never woken Jimmy before, and I did not know if he would be mad at me. I lightly shook his shoulder. He stirred, but he did not wake. I shook his shoulder harder.

"Jimmy," I said.

"What?" he groaned.

"I had a bad dream," I lied.

Jimmy rolled off of his side and onto his back. I shuffled over so that I could put my head on his chest. I rested my injured hand on top of his chest. Jimmy wrapped his arms around me.

"Tell me about it," he said.

"Tommy was touching me again," I said.

His body went rigid and tightened his grip.

"Julie, that's not going to happen again," he said.

"I hope not," I said.

"It won't," he said. "You're mine, not his."

"It was scary."

"I promise I will protect you. Nothing is ever going to happen to you again."

"Thank you."

"Now, go to sleep. I'll make sure you get no more nightmares."

--

The next few days went by and Tommy left me alone. He would always have a smirk on his face, but he never touched me.

We stuck to our usual routines and nothing more would happen. We would wake up early in the morning, eat breakfast, the boys would go outside, I would clean and cook, and then we would eat dinner. I made sure dinner was on the table when they came inside. I did not want another one of Charles' punishments. I could tell that Jimmy was still made at Tommy because they would no longer play cards after dinner. He would pull me up to our room after I was finished washing the dishes.

We started to have sex and he would hold me after and talk about our future sons. The thought did not scare me anymore, and I started to enjoy it. I could see Jimmy and me raising a family together. I never imagined myself with children before. Jimmy was so much better than the men in that club.

One night I was sitting on the bed and I had my knees up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my chin on my knees. Jimmy was taking a shower, so I waited alone until he got out.

I had not felt any difference in the last couple of weeks. I was starting to get nervous. Some women can't have children, what if I was one of them? Jimmy would punish me for sure. I would be ruining his dreams. He will think that his father got him the wrong wife, and they are going to replace me with someone new.

Could they do that?

Charles had said that Jimmy only gets one girl, but what if I could not provide them with what they want? Jimmy said it was one of my jobs to have children. They would replace me with a girl that could. They would kill me.

The tears were falling down my cheeks, and I took in a deep breath to try and stop myself from crying. I wanted to stop myself from crying before Jimmy came out.

It was too late. I heard the bathroom door open. His jaw dropped when he saw me. He dropped the clothes that were balled up in his hands and ran over to me. He sat down next to me and rubbed my back.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said.

"Julie, I know you don't cry for no reason. Tell me what's wrong."

I lifted my head and wiped away the tears. Jimmy moved his hand up from my back and up to my shoulders.

"What if we aren't able to have children?" I asked.

"Julie, you don't have to worry about that," he said. "You're absolutely perfect. You will give me the boys that I want. It can just take a little while sometimes. I don't mind trying at all."

Jimmy chuckled and I smiled.

"Why only boys?"

I bit down on my lip when I realized that I asked a question. I was not supposed to be asking questions. I remember asking him before and he was mad at me.

"We're not allowed to have girls," he said. I was shocked that he answered my question. "Only boys are born into this family. Girls are brought in later as wives."

"What if I gave birth to a girl?" I asked.

"We would have to kill her."

My stomach twisted itself into a knot and I was hit with nausea. He couldn't possibly be serious. I know that they have killed other people, but how could they kill their own babies? This was just sick. I couldn't let Jimmy kill our children.

I pushed Jimmy away from me. I stood, but Jimmy grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down.

"Sit down, Julie," he said.

"No!" I shouted. "How could you do that? It's sick! It's disgusting!"

"Shhhh. Julie, calm down."

"No! How could you do that?"

Jimmy grabbed my other wrist and pinned me against the bed. His one hand shot up over my mouth. My screams were muffled. I thrashed my head from side-to-side to try and get him off of me. Jimmy pushed himself so that he was kneeling on either side of me. He was looking over his shoulder at the door.

"Julie, you need to be quiet," he said.

I clawed at his hand with my good hand. Although Jimmy had removed the stitches a few days ago, my palm still throbbed from Charles' punishment.

"Julie, please," Jimmy said. "I only told you because I thought you could handle it."

His hand slid down so that it was resting on my chin. I sucked in a deep breath.

"You're a monster," I said.

"Don't talk to me like that," he said.

"You kill your own children."

"Only our daughters. We do it because they're not strong enough to survive. If you get connected to her and she dies, that will be devastating to you. This stops you from being hurt when she dies. It's done to protect you."

I shook my head as I closed my eyes. I didn't even know what to say to him. Jimmy was trying to keep me safe, but it sounded so wrong.

"Get ready for bed," he said.

Jimmy got up off me. He went into the bathroom. I got changed into one of his T-shirts. I crawled into bed and pulled the blankets up to my chest.

Jimmy came out of the bathroom with his hand behind his back. He sat on the edge of the bed, and he grabbed the sheets and pulled them down. I bolted up so that I was sitting.

"I'm going to give you something to calm down," he said.

"I don't need anything," I said.

"Yes, you do. I don't need you to have another episode."

"Episode?"

He pulled his hand out from behind his back. He had a syringe in his hand. I scrambled to get off the bed, but Jimmy grabbed me and pushed me down. I kicked my legs out, trying to hit him, but I missed. He pinned my leg down against the bed. There was a sharp pinch as the needle pierced my skin. I cried as he injected me.

He got off of me and dropped the syringe on the nightstand. He pulled me over on the bed so that I was back on my side. He pulled the blankets up and tucked me in. My eyelids were growing heavy. My muscles were weak as I tried to push Jimmy away. He mistook my action, and grabbed my hand kissing the back of it.

"It's going to be alright, sweetheart," Jimmy said.

He stood. I rolled onto my side. He was watching me as the unconsciousness overtook me.