Family Comes First

Chapter 9: My New Family

 Today was the first day that Jimmy did not come in early to help me cook dinner. As I was cooking, I thought about poisoning their food. There were bleach and other cleaning chemicals in the closet. I could pour that into their mashed potatoes, but they would be able to taste that. I could not imagine what kind of punishment I would get if they found out I tried to kill them.

I finished cooking as they came in. They put their coats on the rack and headed straight for the table to shovel down the food. They reminded me of a pack of hyenas around an animal carcass.

I sat down and put a small amount of food on my plate. I let the dinner conversation flow around me. I nodded my head every so often, but I did not contribute to the conversation. My mind was more occupied thinking about where they may hide those keys.

I washed the dishes after dinner as Jimmy and Tommy played some card games. Charles had gone up to his room. I dunked my hands into the warm water. I tried to listen to them talk, but their voices were so low that it was hard to understand.

"So how was it?" Tommy asked.

"Why?" Jimmy asked.

It's me. They are talking about me. I paused washing the dishes so that I could hear them better.

"Come on. I'm your brother," Tommy said. "You shouldn't keep details like this away from me. Juliet is beautiful, so I imagine that it was great."

"Yeah," Jimmy mumbled. "It's good."

My stomach twisted in a knot when I realized that they were talking about raping me. Tommy was talking about it like it was something that he was looking forward to. I did not want to think about what Jimmy was doing to me when he drugged me, but now I knew the reality.

I clanged the dishes together and tried to make as much noise as I could so that I did not hear them talking. Jimmy sedating me every time he raped me was probably a good thing. If I knew exactly what he was doing I would probably lose my mind. It already feels as if it is deteriorating, like every little thing they do is chipping away a piece of my brain.

When I finished washing the dishes, I looked behind me to see that Jimmy and Tommy were still sitting at the table. They were holding cards in their hands and would call out the occasional number, but they were no longer talking.

Jimmy glanced to see that I was standing at the sink. He pulled out the chair next to him, and I sat next to him. I watched them play the game and tried to figure out the rules. In the end, Tommy was scowling so I could tell that he lost. Jimmy put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. Tommy stormed up the stairs to his room.

"Let's go up," Jimmy said.

I squeezed my eyes shut. He was going to drug and rape me again. Jimmy slid his arm off of my shoulders and grabbed my hand. I followed him as he pulled me up the stairs and into his room.

He pulled me onto the bed with him. I tried to wiggle out of his hold, but that only caused him to tighten his grip.

"Stop it, Juliet," he said. "I don't want to have to punish you."

Jimmy's hands did not move, and that made me think that he just wanted to hold me. I focused on my breathing to stop myself from panicking. My ear was pressed against his chest and I could hear his steady heartbeat.

Jimmy lifted my arm. It was already starting to scab. Jimmy ran his fingers across the healing wounds. His hands were rough, but whenever he touched me it was light and soft. He pressed his cheek against the top of my head. He took his focus off of my right arm and focused on my left. He flipped it over so that my tattoo was showing.

The tattoo was of a black rose with a cross behind it. Lina and I went out to get tattoos one night after we had been drinking. She always thought that I wanted it because it was pretty. I never told her that it was to memorialize my family.

Jimmy traced the tattoo with his fingers. It caused a tingling sensation to run up my arm and into my shoulder.

"Why'd you scar yourself like that?" he asked me.

"I got it for my family," I said.

"You mean your birth family," he corrected me.

"What?" I asked.

"We're your family now. Your birth parents are part of your birth family."

"Oh."

"I want you to say it. Say we are your family."

I closed my eyes. They were not my family, but I did not know what kind of punishment was waiting for me so I forced the words off of my lips.

"You're my family," I said.

"What?" he asked.

I must have not said it loud enough. I tried saying it again, but this time I raised my voice.

"You are my family," I said. My voice cracked on the word family.

"That's my girl," he said.

He kissed the top of my head. I wanted to cry, but I refused to let myself shed a tear. They wanted to see me break like that.

Jimmy refocused his attention back to my tattoo.

"It's nice," he said. "You're a lot prettier without it. I don't know why girls feel like they need to scar themselves to be more beautiful. Your skin is so gorgeous. You should have not stained it like that."

I let out a gasp when Jimmy kissed my cheek. He let go of my arms and ran his hands to my chest. I pulled his hands away from me.

"No," I said as I sat.

I was amazed that I made it out of his grip. Jimmy pushed himself up too. I pushed myself back so that I was on the opposite end of the bed.

"Juliet, I love you," Jimmy said. "I've been waiting for twenty years for you. I'm so happy to finally have you."

"Please, let me go," I begged. "I have people looking for me."

"No one is looking for you."

"Yes, yes they are. My best friend will be worried that I never came home. She probably called the cops. If you let me go now-"

"Enough!"

I was silenced by Jimmy's loud voice. I sucked in a deep breath and dug my teeth into my bottom lip. Jimmy's large brown eyes turned cold. He ran his fingers through his long hair.

"No one is looking for you," he said. "Now, I don't want to hear you talk about leaving again. Understand?"

I nodded. Jimmy let out a huff of breath and got up off of the bed.

"I'm going to take a shower," he said. "Don't leave this room or I'll have to punish you."

He went into the bathroom and slammed the door. I got up off the bed and headed for the door. My fingers wrapped around the door handle. I wanted to run downstairs, but Jimmy's threat lingered in the air. Going downstairs would result in him cutting my arm. All I would be doing is checking locked doors. It would not be worth it.

I listened to the sound of water as Jimmy took a shower. I changed out of my clothes and into the T-shirt Jimmy had been giving me at night. I crawled into bed and rolled onto my side so that I could stare through the window. I clutched at the blankets to my chest. At least I was able to hide my body from him tonight.

I pretended to be asleep when Jimmy came out of the bathroom. He left me alone as he walked around the room. The bed dipped as he lay down. I could not fall asleep until I heard him lightly snoring.