FLOWER ARE BETTER WHEN THEY'RE FAKE (COMPLETED)

Epilogue

Today was my 20 birthday. November 2, baby!

It has been super chill day so far. My best friends came barging in my room at 12:40 in the morning with a cake, singing our stupid rendition of 'Happy Birthday'. They all took videos and pictures of me, not even caring that I was having a severe case of bed hair or that I couldn't even open either one of my eyes all the way. But as soon as I blew out the candles they took it away from me. It's for later tonight, they said. 

We just stayed at home for the rest of the day. When I had a moment to myself, I cried for a bit. It has only been a couple of months since Dad and Victor passed away and each day without them was harder and harder than the last. By no means was it getting easier like everyone said it would. I am honestly still shocked and feel the pain that was left by them. I don't get it. I thought I was supposed to be feeling a bit of relief from all the pain that comes along in this process, but it is slowly chipping my heart away. If I am being honest, I stopped going to those therapy lessons on it. I felt like I didn't need them for the time being. I don't know when I will go back. 

It will be a very, very long time, maybe a lifetime, until I can think about them and smile and laugh and not cry about it. Old people do that when they bring the subject up but I can't. It's still way too early. 

We just watched a bunch of movies and binged watched an entire season of "Breaking Bad", which does not take as much time as you would think it would. If Joshua is ever put in that situation I am keeping him as far as I can from vans and meth. This show deserves the well earned 16 Emmys. 

I got to stay in a hoodie all day, enjoying the cold weather. I woke up as the happiest person on Earth when the temperature outside was in the fifties. There were rumors about it snowing but I knew it was too good to be true. We ate Cap N'Crunch in the morning, a birthday breakfast tradition, then proceeded to swallowed as much pizza and chips and cookies and candies and juices until we felt bloated and went into a food coma. I got to stay in a heated blanket all day and had an excuse to not do dishes today.  It was my definition of a perfect day.

I had to be excused for about 30 minutes to answer all the birthday texts and calls. Victor's family has been so kind to keep in touch with me. I watched Shelby's kids the other day actually because I forced her and Elijah to go on a vacation for a bit. They been going at it for a while without time to think. I was glad they went without argument. 

She also tried to call me and talk to me, but I ignored it. I didn't tell anyone, but I saw her car swing by. If I am being honest, I have been feeling a lot better ever since then. You know in school when you have been carrying a heavy backpack all day then when you finally take it off you feel so much lighter? That's how I have been feeling. The relationships in my life have become a lot healthier, I am starting to accept myself for who I am, my mental health has become more manageable, I am starting to accept what has happened in my life. Just a lot of things has been slowly improving. 

A part of my conscience is berating me to fix our relationship because at the end of the day she is still my mother, a person who nursed me and cared for me, even though she was reluctant. But the other part of me is realizing that this was for the better- for me. I need to do what is good for me. I need to. 

Continuing on with my day they surprised me with a couple presents as well. Dani had gotten me some things to help me fall asleep. I've been getting some trouble getting more than about 4 hours each night. Joshua had gotten me a perfume, bag, shoes, very "girly" things. And by "girly" I mean that these products are targeted for women and girls but come on, we are living in the 21st century. A man should feel comfortable wearing a skirt outside and a perfume shouldn't be marketed just for women.

Everyone was looking at Greyson, expecting him to pull out his elaborate and such grandeur gift but no such thing happened. He said that he would be taking me later out tonight, I just had to pack a bag very lightly. Joshua wolf whistled and Dani smacked him on the head. Instead of being annoyed he just kissed her and attacked her with so many hugs. She was laughing really manically while he was saying a lot of things which I am glad I am not hearing any bit of it. I looked over to them, seeing them act so ridiculously in love, and felt so happy. While it may come as a surprise to some, they finally made it official!