𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 |𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐃

22| An Night With The Owls

ASIA LA'MOORE NORTH
DETROIT | FEBRUARY 2022

"BABY, IT'S WAY TO COLD." I SHOOK my head as I pushed his head away from my neck.

Car sex was definitely memorable and I loved the thrill but I couldn't enjoy it when I was damn near freezing my clit off.

"I'm tryna warm you up." Kamau huffed.

"You can warm me up at the crib, not right now," I climbed back into the front seat.

"Why are you so horny anyways?"

"The cold be having my dick hard." He shrugged.

"Kamau— what the fuck?" I laughed hysterically. He generally looked like he was about to cry and observing how hard his dick felt against my thigh— a couple minutes ago— I knew he was extremely horny.

"See, bro, you think everything a joke G."

"I'm sorry, it's just the way you said it, bae." Despite my apology, my laugh didn't die down.

"Yea, aight." He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, angrily. Nodding his head as he stroke his chin hair with the hand he wasn't recklessly driving with.

"Don't be mad, you'll get some play later." I replaced his hand with mine, now gently massaging his chin hairs.

"Later as in when? I need it soon."

"Boy- later as in when we get home!"

"Man.. niggas ain't loved no more." He fussed, nonetheless still rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand.

"Hush, Kamau, if I ain't love you I would not still be here after that cop bullshit." I waved him off, unbeknownst to the fact I had openly confessed my love for him.

Despite my attempt to play it off, it felt good to finally get it off my chest and be able to release myself to another man.

And judging by the glorious smile that graced Kama's face; I knew he was ecstatic.

"So.. you love me?"

"I didn't say th—"

"But that's what you were implying," He removed me hand from his face before lightly placing it into my own lap.

"Own up to it."

Ticking my lip between my teeth, I lowly shook my head and tears filled my eyes.

I couldn't. I couldn't do it.

I couldn't pretend like I didn't love this man, as if I wouldn't risk my life for this man. As if this man wasn't my everything, as if he was my Feredrick.

No.

He wasn't.

He was Kamau, and I loved him as such.

"I love you, Kamau." I shrugged, allowing my tears to get caught within my smile.

"And I hate to say it but you make me weak, you make me submissive. Something no other man has made me feel, not even him."

That's what I wanted to say,

but there was that one tap on my shoulder that was holding me back, once again.

"So you finna just look at me stupid, G?"

"You can't force me into saying something I don't want to!" I snapped, turning my body towards him in the process.

"You damn right I can't, you damn right." He bitterly chuckled, pushing his foot harder on the gas pedal.

"Kam-"

"You good, youn gotta explain yourself to me." He cut me off, turning the music up more loudly.

As the music drowned my words, my thoughts invaded my mind once again.

Why couldn't I just tell this man how I really feel?

_____

"Thank you, Granny." I cheesed as I grabbed the plastic plate wrapped in aluminum foil out of her hands. She'd cooked Sunday dinner for the family but I wasn't interested in chopping it up with anyone right now, I was more so trapped within my own conversion.

"You welcome, baby. What's that look on your face for?" MeeMaw read me like an open book as she gesture for me to sit next to her at the dining table.

I sighed, seating my plate and purse down in front of me. I needed someone to vent to, someone who knew what I was feeling and knew how to deal with these emotions.

When my MeeMaw met my Dad's Father, she was practically head over heels for the man. Then he passed away from Cancer and her world was crushed. Years later, she found love again and has been feeling amazing ever since.

I wanted to feel that.

"Me and Kamau got into an argument about our love." I sighed, not needing to go further into detail because she knew this was something reoccurring for me.

"Well.. you love him, there's no doubt about that. You also love Frederick and you also love Jailo. There's also an even greater space in your heart that loves Kamau but your too afraid of some so called karma."

"There's no such thing as "bad karma"— in my eyes— you get what you deserve. You have to let yourself be happy because that's what you deserve."

_____

Throwing my keys onto the island before quietly walking into Kamau's bedroom. I wasn't planning on coming back here but I wanted to get a few things off my chest, right now.

To my surprise, he was up reading an book with his circle framed glasses on and the bed side lamp being his only source of light.

I didn't say anything— not yet— as I walked towards him. Grabbing the book out of his hands, gently sitting it beside him before climbing into his lap as my hands framed his face.

"Don't say anything. Let me say what I have to first," I requested, proceeding once he nodded.

"Kamau.. I love you. I really do and you know I do yet I couldn't bring myself to admit that because I was scared of karma coming to hunt me for doing something I might regret."

"I told myself a million times over he was going to be happy for me but that's where I was wrong. He didn't come into play with this relationship and he never should have to began with."

"So, now that I've released my past and I'm willingly to open my arms to you. I want you to know that I love you and—"

I couldn't even finish my statement before I felt his lips crashing down on my mines. His hands tugged aggressively on my shirt before he manage to pull it over my head.

Flipping us over, he tossed the book out of his way before laying my back fully onto the bed. I slyly smiled, knowing this was the reaction I was hopping for.

"I want you to tell me that while I'm making you cum."